When a relationship is falling apart, the first thing that comes to our mind is how to save the relationship or how to fix the existing problem.
The obvious one but not the small ones that contributed to the explosion of the other party.
Why do people have to wait for their partner to burst into tears, kneel before them and beg for them to just leave cause nothing’s working anymore before they do anything?
Bottom line is, why do we wait until it’s too late?
This usually happens to people in a long-term relationship. They said you have to be quiet so you wouldn’t wake up the beast. In every long-term relationship, there’s always a sleeping beast waiting to be awoken.
That beast carries all the secrets, anger, pain, the lacking and the gaps. It holds every mistake and sins you both made in the past. That’s why most people avoid bringing up a certain topic that would eventually wake it up.
But here’s the question, why do you keep on avoiding that beast? Why not slay it instead? Why are you so afraid to face all the things that weigh both of you down and just lay it all out in the open?
Why do we keep it inside? Why is the other person not bringing it up? Is that because you’re not on the same page?
All these thoughts playing in your partner’s head and you. You don’t even care to bring anything up because you’re waiting. And waiting. And waiting until it’s too late.
So, before you ask the hows of us? Why not ask the what, why, where, when and who first?
The ‘What’ of us:
The first thing you have to do is ask yourself, what are you both fighting for?
What made you hold on for so long? What’s keeping you in that relationship? If the answer is worth it then there you have it. If not and you can’t find any reason to support the ‘What’ in your relationship then maybe it really is the time to leave.
The ‘Why’ of us:
Why are you fighting each other instead of fighting together?
This is the common fault in every relationship. Sometimes we get too comfortable to even communicate what’s going on inside our heads. Sometimes we just keep on waiting till the other person realizes their mistakes and their lack of efforts to the point that our patience just expires and suddenly it’s all falling apart.
This leads on to the next question.
The ‘Where’ of us:
Where did we go wrong?
We stop asking the ‘What’ and the ‘Why’ that is usually the answer where it all went wrong. Most of the time due to the length of your relationship, you stop asking yourself or the other person regarding the matter just to get by every day. We go with the flow until the problems pass us by.
The point is, the problems aren’t going to solve themselves and the questions inside our heads will remain unanswered if we will not voice them out.
The ‘When’ of us:
When did the falling apart start?
To solve a case, you have to find the root cause. When did it start? Was it when he forgot your anniversary? Was it when you had to walk home alone because he forgot to pick you up? Or was it when he cheated a long time ago and you pretended that you already forgot about it? Was it his lack of efforts and time? When did it happen?
Go back in time and remind yourself when it all began.
The ‘Who’ of us:
Who is right? You or your partner? Your heart or your head?
This is the bargaining part where you wonder whether you are staying or leaving. This is the hardest question of all and sometimes this question makes people break down.
How do you live without the other person you wasted so many years of your life with? How do you wake up every day and expect them to be there even when they’re not around anymore?
How will you choose them if staying with them stops you from living your life?
So, who is it? You or your partner? Your heart that’s breaking you or your head that’s making you unhappy?
And slowly we’re asking the ‘How.’
How can you save a relationship if you can’t even save yourself from it?