So many things have happened between us. Tears wasted, hearts torn, and promises broken.
You slammed the door thinking you were on the safer side, not realizing you locked yourself out. You make the conditions and I was always the one to follow.
So believe me when I say that my future lover will never be like you.
Not even close.
He will never hug me the way you did every time life fails to commit. He will never get used to my crying every time I’m tired and all I need is someone to lean on. He will never kiss me the way you did with so much force and eagerness.
He will never be like you.
He will never know how to caress the parts that hurt. He will never look deep into my eyes with so much intensity. He will never try to please me so he can get what he wants.
He will never be like you.
You know why?
Because I also know that he will be my life support, he’ll be there just one call away and will not wait for me to come running to him.
He will make me cry from laughing til my stomach hurts and I’d have to beg him to stop.
He will kiss me slowly with so much patience and respect.
He will never make me suffer so badly that he has to sugarcoat the truth so it will hurt less.
He will look deep into my eyes and make me realize how much I’m worthy of the love I’m getting.
He will please me because he knows what I deserve and he’s ready to give me just that.
He will never use words that cut deep.
He will never be “not there” when he’s supposed to be around.
He will never tell me that I can do it cause I’m a big girl now. He will take care of me, no matter how old I get.
He will never be like you because he’ll be so much more.
You might have had my heart for a long time. You might have had the upper hand for getting years of my life. We might have had something that would have lasted for a very long time if only we made the right choices.
We spent a lot of time together. We did a lot, traveled a lot, and finished each other’s sentences. We ate the foods we liked and foods we hated. We’ve been there for each other when life was tearing us apart.
I got my first tattoo with you and you held my hand. You cried and laughed with me. You supported me all those times I was trying to build myself up. I’ve been hard on you and I’ve made mistakes, too. I’m sorry.
But know that everything we’ve been through, I will cherish forever. The good, the bad, and the ugly, right?
And I’d be lying if I said that I got over you. I’m not and I don’t think I ever will be. I know that there’s a big portion in my heart that you will always occupy. Maybe it’ll just fade as time goes by but I know you will never totally go away.
Sometimes I still get teary-eyed. Sometimes I have to look up and pretend I didn’t just have the thought of you making me laugh. Sometimes I try to forget and sometimes I try to remember.
I don’t know which is which anymore. But one thing is for sure,
He isn’t you and he will never be like you.
Your ghost will always haunt me everywhere I go, but this time you’ll be just that.