To The One Who Loved Me At My Darkest

couple with cityscape in background
photo-nic.co.uk nic

All of us have our own dark side, the one that we hide when we first meet someone we like because we do not want to scare them away, at least not at first meeting.

In our case you met me this way. You met me as someone who pushes everyone away as soon as I feel like I will be getting hurt soon. For short, I leave people even before they get the chance to hurt me.

I have a hobby of protecting myself from possible danger because I’ve been hurt so many times before. I just feel like one more pain and I’d explode. So when things are starting to feel cold, I’d be in my car with my bags packed and my heart perfectly intact inside my pocket.

It’s not like me to look back in the rearview mirror and wish that I hadn’t leave. I always leave.

I always push people away.

I detach as soon as things are starting to get rough and there are times when I wouldn’t want to know the truth at all. I’d just put on this imaginary headphone playing the reality song I made up inside my head and ignore the world.

The kind of reality where everything’s okay like you are not even a part of my world and I am okay.

It’s like you don’t even exist.

But you continued to exist. You continued to fight for me even when I just stop feeling at all.

You continued to hold my hand while I sang along to the reality that I am caught up in, until I realize that you are still here. You never left, not even once.

For all the times that I pushed you away; for all the times that I left and chose to block you out; for not hearing you out when I’m starting to get hurt and uncomfortable in a situation.

For all the times that I chose to stay paralyzed from the truth; I want to thank you for never giving up on me.

Thank you for always being there; for still being there.

Thank you for not getting tired of moving around this world with someone who’s too afraid to get hurt.

Thank you for being brave enough to teach me to accept things as they really are and for proving that not everyone will hurt me.

Thank you for being patient with me and for believing that someday I will stop being scared because you stayed even after everything I put you through.

I’m not the easiest person to love. I get mood swings and tantrums; I overreact and only make things worse. But because of you I learned that not everyone is worth pushing away.

You accepted me as a whole person; the good, the bad and the ugly. I know I am not perfect but because of your unconditional love despite of my past, my flaws and my mistakes, I feel like I am enough.

I’ve never felt so secure in my whole life. Thank you is not even close to what you have given me.

You gave me another chance to forgive the world and I don’t know how long this will last but I sure hope that it lasts a lifetime.

Because of you, my dark side doesn’t seem so dark anymore. TC mark

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