There came a time when I wanted to end my life. I kept blaming myself for everything that’s been happening to me.
I prayed and it still kept on happening. I wanted to put a stop on all of it.
I thought people hated me because there’s something wrong with me or because I wasn’t made perfect.
I thought timing was never on my side because I always chose to forgive.
I thought my luck isn’t even that lucky because I was a magnet for the bad ones.
Then I realized that the worst luck is thinking that I deserved them all. I thought everything that’s coming my way is what I get for loving and for always seeing the good in everything.
Still, even on those times, I chose to be kind.
I chose to swallow all the hatred this world threw at me. I refused to be angry; I refused to hurt them back.
They threw me out of the bus and still I waved them goodbye and wished them a safe trip.
They had torches, pitchforks and blaming fingers pointed at me but still I chose to give them a chance.
A chance to change, a chance to forgive and a chance to love.
“Maybe they just can’t see things as they really are.” I said but the truth is they refused to open their eyes.
I was left in the dark for so many times and I stayed there for weeks, months, even a year.
I came to the point when I wanted to end my misery.
I was holding the only hope I could ever think of; I could see the light flashing on its blade, I was there.
I wanted to do it. I was going to. But then I prayed.
I prayed and tears started to wash the pain away. He said I would be okay; I just had to give it another chance. He said I deserve more so I have to accept that I do. He kissed everything that hurt and as soon as I opened my eyes, I am a new person.
He said it’s okay to still be kind in this hostile world.
And this what I want you to remember, it is an honor to still have a soft heart even after everything this life has put you through.
I can’t blame you if you already turned hard. I can’t blame you if you already stopped caring about what other people has to say. I really can’t blame you for choosing yourself this time.
But this is what I know for sure. God is the only one who can heal you, me, us.
God is the only one who has a say when it is time for you to give up. God is in control and you just have to let him.
You have to put your trust in his hands because he can heal you. He WILL fix you.
If ever you are going through a hard time, I want you to know that He is there.
He loves you.
He always has and He always will.