10 Things To Remember When You Love Someone Who Has Lived Through Trauma

Zach Guinta

1. They are not what happened to them.

I want you to remember that they are not what happened to them. They are not that person anymore so do not hold it against them. They have been hurt and the last thing they need is to be looked at as if they are a pitiful, useless bag of shit. What happened made them better, smarter and bolder than who they once were. She fought so hard to be where she is right now, appreciate her.

2. Remind them to hold on.

There will be times when they will lose their grip on reality and let the monsters under their beds consume their minds. Remind them to hold on, keep reminding them that what happened has passed and they have a life now that they can look forward to.

3. They can be sensitive.

Be careful of the words that will come out of your mouth because words can mean so much more than what you think it does. Words can ruin a person; words are ten times more painful than anything physical.

4. Remind them that they are loved.

Because of what happened to them, they have a tendency to feel alone and unloved. They do not deserve that so keep reminding them that your love will still be there despite the things that is slowly eating her. She has doubts on every single thing so don’t ever make her feel like you should be one of them.

5. They are stronger than you think.

Do not treat them as if they are weak, they are so much stronger than you think. So do not break her heart gently, if you want out, tell her immediately and leave. If she got over the thing that traumatized her, there’s no wonder if she can forget about you too. She doesn’t need to be treated as if she is a baby that needs taking care of; the pain evolved her into a strong independent woman.

6. Remind them to believe.

Always remind them that there’s more to life than sitting and moping around. Remind them that it’s okay to believe that the future holds something great for them; remind them that it’s okay to trust again because you will be there to catch her once the world decides to destroy her again.

7. They are afraid.

Please know that they are not afraid of you; they are afraid of things happening again. They are afraid that history might actually repeat itself. Whatever kind of pain it was; nothing is too small or too big to affect someone’s belief on things.

8. Remind them that it is not their fault.

People who were hurt have a tendency to blame themselves. Remind them that it is not their fault. Remind them that sometimes life is inconsistent and some people are cruel in nature. It’s okay to hate someone, it’s okay to hate the world but what’s not okay is to hate one’s self.

9. They need to be understood

Sometimes all they need is someone to understand and someone who has the patience to listen to their every rant. You are not perfect and so is she. There are times when they remember what happened and it will bring out the worst in them. Please have the patience to deal with it and do not ever say, “Talk to me again when you’re done being like that.” They are being ‘like that’ for a reason.

10. Remind them that it’s okay not to be okay.

And sometimes all they need is someone to believe that they can get through the pain. Please keep reminding her that the worst things in life are free and sometimes it’s okay to cry when it hurts. It’s okay to be angry when it becomes too heavy to carry and it’s okay not to be okay. TC mark

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