This Is Me Giving You Up

Nicole Mason
Nicole Mason

The days passed by as if they’re trying to remind me everything about you. The little things that made me smile and cry at the same time. It’s as if they’re making me regret that I found the courage to finally give you up.

Because, yes, I finally gave you up.

There are times when I wish I didn’t, though. Times when I wish I had replied to your messages and picked up your calls. Times when I wish I stayed instead of walking away. Times when I wish I said “I’m staying,” instead of “I’m letting you go.”

This is probably because a lot of things still don’t make sense to me. Like how you did those small but meaningful things just to make me feel special. The way you talked to me that made my heart want to pump out of my chest. How you comforted me at my worst and cheered for me at my best. But it was never clear. I never knew who I was to you. Even though I made it perfectly clear that in that moment, you meant the world to me.

Ours wasn’t a love story. It wasn’t as exciting and magical as the fairy tales foretold. I wasn’t even sure if you felt the same way as I did. But I’m certain about one thing, it was absolutely real. It was real when I first laid eyes on you and thought that you were something special. It was real when you first made me smile when you approached me in the most awkward way. And it was real when I knew that I had to let you go because the hurt was becoming unbearable.

Trust me, leaving wasn’t the hardest part. It’s watching you from afar that’s tearing me apart. It’s seeing you happy without me that’s the most heartbreaking. The world became an entirely different place when I lost you. It became bigger but duller. My stories were never the same without your ears hearing them. And I keep catching myself breaking down every time.

But after all of these, the one thing that’s left in me is hope.

Hope that tomorrow will be brighter and happier. Hope that one day, all these sacrifices will make sense and turn out okay. Hope that when the right time comes, we’ll both know that what we did is what was actually the best for the both of us. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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