7 Foolproof Ways To Spot A Commitment Freak

A man and woman cuddling together in bed.
Becca Tapert / Unsplash

Ever wonder why some people start to break dates?

Or why they unexpectedly disappear just in time when you’ve fallen head over heels in love with them?

Urban dictionary suggests that you may have met a “commitment freak.”

And if you haven’t been aware, they’re here here to break more than a few hearts in their own romance department.

It’s hard to cherry pick them out of the crowd or avoid altogether. They don’t walk around wearing commitment fears upon their sleeve. Instead, they spend much of their inner life in the bondage of freedom.

They can’t help it.

Commitment freaks stroll around you and beside you every single day. They check their dating apps as often as they do their emails throughout the day.

Of course, this is irrelevant when you happen to be seduced by the best lasagna your tongue has ever tasted at the comfort of their own home.

It’s easy to slip and forget the differences over a bottle of red in the romantic candlelight on a Saturday night.


Please, do yourself a favor and do not delude yourself into believing that they’ll transform their molecules just because they met you.

As it turns out, there are personality traits spotted early on – can save you a lot of time, energy, and possibly even your precious heart.

1. They’re fuzzy on a commitment rules.

They avoid committing to anything – be it Friday night plans with friends, trips that are 2-3 months away, long-term jobs, or obligations. They’re allergic to everything that needs to be scheduled or requires a heavy calendar system.

They make plans as they go and are known to be more spontaneous than the others. They rarely know themselves what they’ll be doing, where they’ll be living or who they’ll be dating six months down the line.

For them committing feels heavy. It’s as if someone puts a forceful metal chain around their tinny ankle preventing from moving.

After all, there’s always something else or someone else that can swipe them off their feet. Therefore, it’s easier to stay free, available so to speak.

2. High expectations from life.

People fearing commitment are not there to settle for less than the best. This doesn’t mean they date the most successful or famous people, yet they certainly would drop existing relationship, may something better come around.

Unfortunately, the view of a genuine relationship through their lens looks like an obstacle that comes between two things they treasure the most – freedom and their independence.

3. Forget happily ever after talks.

They’ll fall asleep with their face in their dinner plate if you start talking about future steps in your relationship. They feel uncertain about where they stand solo, let alone with someone.

Their ever-changing ideas about what future should look like make them unstable and hard to trust.

What’s more, they can’t promise much if they haven’t figured it out on their own. With that said – don’t expect they will give you their heart, as in most cases, they can’t even give a half.

4. They don’t believe in commitment.

According to statistics, the divorce rate was peaking in 1993; it was only from 2003 that divorce rates began to fall sharply.

Our generation has seen so many divorces that no surprise we are extra cautious tying a knot.

Experiencing divorce leaves significant footprints in our lives. Seeing what our parents went through makes us feeling insecure that this may also happen to us.

Doesn’t mean we will never marry. We will, however, think twice before committing to someone in our lives.

5. Luck of relationship role models.

This isn’t just to say that we should blame the parents for not being able to set an example of a good relationship. In fact, many still grew up in picture-perfect families hiding the reality to the outside world, struggling to keep it healthy.

Or maybe no one around is having a blast with their partners which is also a factor why some will choose to stay away from committed companionship.

6. They don’t believe they are worthy of a good relationship.

Some will find it difficult to accept the fact that things can go well. It’s like they’re wrestling a grizzly bear to survive every day of their adult life.To them, the whole world is a war zone.

It is for this reason, when reality seems better than they have expected, they start digging for dirt.

They are experts at sabotaging a good relationship because even if things are going well in their heads, seeing how others suffer makes them think that there must be something entirely wrong in their lives too. They start desperately seeking what can get worse or how their partner has or is about to wrong them in the future.

7. Blame the timing.

You would think that people fearing commitment would stay away from relationships because let’s face it – why to date if you are scared to be serious?

Here you are wrong. People fearing commitment will not miss out on a human connection. They will go out of their ways to impress you. They’ll share parts they will want you to see and very carefully hide the others.

They will date. They will slowly open up to you. They may even share with you some deepest secrets. They will make your heart race, and just when you think your relationship is developing into something special; they’ll call it quits.

Because this is what they do, every time things could have a potential future.

It scares them off.

The truth is they can’t help it. And it’s rare, that someone can ever change that.

But this too shall pass.

Only when they’ll have enough victories and breakups under their belt, there’s hope.

Only when all games have been played, and all their conquests are finally conquered…there comes a salvation.

Only timing has this magical power to change the freak into someone able to give, love and stay. But that’s because from that moment onwards they have made their ultimate choice. They are ready to give love a chance. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Jay Shetty Certified LIFE & PURPOSE Coach 💥

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