An Arbitrary List of Things I’ve Learned Since I Found My Forever Person

People hanging out by the rocky shores overlooking the Sydney Harbor on a clear day
Alex wong / Unsplash

I met him via Facebook a few October’s ago when I had a bad case of bronchitis and my online presence was mildly aggressive because of it. After exchanging numbers, we were in each other’s lives approximately every three minutes until eventually, we found each other so interesting that we decided to meet. We were in a relationship by Halloween and have been together ever since. Here are a few things that finding my forever person has taught me:

1. You’re going to date the wrong people first.

These experiences are important. They allow you to figure out what you want, what you don’t want…when to recognize red flags. These relationships helped me to figure out what my forever person actually looks like.

2. The right person wants what you want.

They will be accepting of who you are and vice versa. The right person will enhance your life, not settle it down. Anybody who claims that being in a relationship will tie you down has not met the right person yet because it’s amazing how liberating it actually is. The right person doesn’t try to change you. But since I met my person, I have changed. I’ve changed because being with this person has made me want to be my best and most authentic self.

3. Communication is fucking everything.

This is a pretty cliche statement, but it’s honest. You’ve got to address issues head-on. It’s unfortunately way too common for arguments to build and escalate off topic. If you’re going to fight, make sure you fight fair. Destroy the idea that being “right” in a disagreement is beneficial to you because it’s not about winners and losers. It’s about communicating as a team and figuring out how to correct a situation, not an individual. Let the fucking pride thing go. Being with the right person has allowed me to look at situations objectively. I’m not perfect, but I can admit when I’m being unfair. I don’t want to hurt my partner, so if he tells me that something I’m doing is hurting him, I can’t invalidate his feelings by telling him that his perception of my behavior is wrong. You have to listen to each other and come up with solutions that work for both of you moving forward. The right person will listen to you and take your feelings seriously.You won’t understand what mind-blowing sex feels like until you’re having it with the right person.

Enough said.

4. Be honest with each other.

Sometimes I feel like my partner deserves a trophy for the World’s Most Patient Man and he deserves to have one delivered to our door on a weekly basis for making it through yet another full week with my seemingly endless anxiety-ridden tendencies. Yes, I am an anxious person. And although being with him has certainly calmed a lot of my anxieties, I still have my moments. Be honest with your partner. They can’t help you if they don’t know what you need, and if you don’t communicate how you’re feeling there’s a chance they could internalize it. The right person won’t judge you. At this point in my relationship, we have each other down to a science. I almost always know what he needs from me and when and vice versa, but there was a bit of a learning curve initially. And if you’re not sure, ask.

5. Love.

Finding the right person has taught me not only how to love another human being but also how to love myself. I’m not saying I was a broken or incomplete person before I met him, but I did not realize how much my life would improve with him being a part of it. I feel like a priority instead of a suggestion. I feel accepted even for the parts of myself that I don’t particularly like, and in turn, they no longer weigh so heavily on me. The feeling of being wanted just as much as you want them is something that will never stop feeling fucking amazing. I love coming home to someone who is excited to see me, and I love hearing all about his day. I love him, and I love feeling like I’m finally home. TC mark

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