Tell Me The Truth, Did I Even Matter to You?

woman standing on front of neon signage
BRUNO CERVERA / Unsplash

Tell me the truth, did I even matter to you? Or was I just a dash in a sentence to you? A pause before you reach the next best thing? Was as I just someone to pass the time? Was I just a nameless face to you? Is that how you justify your actions?

Did you even care about me as a person? Because I cared.

I cared too much. You cared too little.

If I mattered to you, you wouldn’t have left me feeling worthless. I wouldn’t be left wondering where I stood. I wouldn’t have to hope today would be a good day. One where you actually reach out.

If I mattered you would have told me how you felt. You would have been completely honest. You wouldn’t have kept such huge secrets from me. You would have let me into your life, instead of hiding it from me.

Instead of making me feel stupid, afraid to ask questions. Afraid to open up. Afraid of learning something that I already knew deep down.

You took my kindness for weakness. You knew how to push me. You knew how to get what you wanted. You knew how I felt. And you used that to your advantage.

I don’t think you even realized what you were really doing.

How much pain you were actually causing.

Tell me the truth, did I even matter to you?

You mattered to me.

This wasn’t a joke to me. I caught feelings. And I’m usually one to push those feelings away.

You caught me at a weak point.

And now you crushed me.

Tell me the truth, was this your plan all along? To hook me in? To get me where you wanted, knowing fully well you would never have me?

If you really cared, you would grow up. You would talk to me like an adult. Tell me the truth.

But actions speak louder than words.

And my answer lies in that.

I never mattered.

And I’m slowly realizing that. TC mark

Kristin Rattigan

27. Chicago. I prefer kids to adults 99% of the time.

To love yourself should be no quiet affair, but a loud uprising.

“Never forget,
you are more powerful
than you are damaged
and you will rise
from any abyss
they drown you in.”

— Nikita Gill, Your Heart Is The Sea

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