How The Hardest Year Of My Life Turned Out To Be The Most Rewarding

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Yoann Boyer / Unsplash

I’ve always had an everlasting faith in myself and a keen intuition, but last year my undying confidence and endless optimism were tested in tsunami-like waves.

I spent my time walking around in a thick, dreamlike haze like the fog that covers the ground on a damp, grey morning as you mumble to yourself, “why couldn’t I just stay in bed?” But the rays of the sun slightly shine in the distance and you know you’ve got work to do. You pull through.

I felt like an abandoned ship tossing around in a stormy sea hoping for a lighthouse to shine its light on me.

The emotion inside recklessly took over me like the moon and stars do in the night sky. The waves of my soul crashed down, wiped me out, as well as anyone else who stood too close to my personal shore. I knew I’d rise again like the sun does at dawn; I just was not sure when.

I hardly slept. The darkness consumed me. I wanted to stay awake in the light.

I lost so much weight from stress and pain. I found myself sinking in the mirror. My frail figure alarmed most – even me. Depression lingered in my being like a bad habit you try to kick but it refuses to go to the curb.

Adversity made my heart work overtime.

It danced in my veins making my blood pump faster in an attempt to keep me alive. The thumping in my chest kept me up at night. Anxiety sent chills down my spine. A frantic, surreal echo consumed my thoughts for months. Adversity whispered,“Will you use this fuel to burn in your own flames or to ignite? The choice is yours.”

Challenge makes you aware of your strengths as you are forced to fight back.

Misfortune’s light shines on your weaker attributes, but this light is hardly ethereal or godlike. It can be an out of control fire that illuminates the demons you hide within yourself.

Vulnerable attempts of wanting to understand myself and the world around me drove me mad. My ego wanted to run too frequently to protect its vanity, but the angel on my shoulder, my sensitive core, suggested self-awareness to the devil.

My heart is like an iceberg, an ice shelf floating freely and only a small portion is visible to the human eye, but on fire.

Beautiful and cold, yet warm, and even the strongest structure could break if experience didn’t teach there are depth and strength that hides so cleverly beneath the surface. I have always been a hopeless romantic. I love so very deeply; the death of me.

A forceful energy sparked me back alive at some point.

My inner fire burns too bright to be put out permanently. I chose to persevere. I wanted to own my story so I can help others who hurt. I turned the energy surrounding me into fuel to ignite myself as I left what is not right for me in the smoke.

The hardest year of my life taught me perseverance in the face of difficulty is crucial for success.

I believe the human soul desires hardship. Deterrents are put in your life to test your resilience, to bring you closer to your life’s purpose. If you don’t know failure, how could you ever relish in glory?

Always remember…

A blooming rose bush catches the eye of admirers, but it grew from a seed buried in dirt. A butterfly may be free and delicately beautiful, but it spent days shedding skin and dramatically changing inside its chrysalis so it could grow wings to fly.

Accept your process. TC mark

Kristin Michelle Elizabeth

Author of 'This Will Set Me Free'

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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