One day, I’ll wake up knowing that I can finally move on. The memories we had will no longer make me cry. I’ll be able to go the places we’ve been without wishing you were with me. There won’t be a hole in my heart waiting to be filled by you. My body will stop longing for your touch. My mind will stop wondering how I went from someone you wouldn’t want to lose to someone you wouldn’t bother to see dating someone else. I’ll stop questioning my worth just because you left me.
One day, I’ll stop missing you. You won’t be the first person I’ll think about when I wake up in the morning. I won’t be waiting for your good night texts before I go to sleep. Listening to Adele’s songs will no longer make me cry.
I’ll stop waiting for you to come back. I won’t hope for you to realize my worth, because I’ll know that’s something I’ll have to do for myself. I’ll stop praying that we’ll be okay and start praying for strength to move on with my life without you in it.
One day, I’ll get up from this bed and my heart will be calm. I’ll stop blaming myself for whatever happened in our relationship. I’ll be able to walk confidently without a care if you see me or not. I’ll stop hiding my face fearing that you’ll notice my puffy eyes. I’ll bump into you and I’ll be able to look at you in the eye and smile, a genuine one. And that’s when you’ll know I am okay.
If and when that day comes, I’ll thank you for being a part of my life. I won’t be whoever or wherever I will be on that day if it wasn’t for you. I’ll look back on this day and tell myself ‘Oh yeah, I’ve been that miserable?’
I have no idea when it will come. One thing is for sure, it will. That I’ll be okay. Be it with you or by myself. It may take weeks, months, or maybe years. Thinking about how long I’ll be this miserable makes it even more depressing. But like what my friend’s been telling me, ‘Take it one day at a time. Let time take its course.’
I’m not going to rush everything. So yeah, I’m going to go through all the stages of grief. Until I finally come to the end, which is acceptance.
Because my goal isn’t to heal fast, but to heal properly.