Some Thoughts On Female Friendship And Forgiveness

Two fashionable women at the Hoover Dam Access Road stand closely, laughing in the sunshine
Katie Treadway / Unsplash

“Females. We bring life to this earth and are the glue that holds everything together. So, why do so many women live in rivalry? That said, it’s been amazing how many strong, independent and encouraging women who have entered my life over the years. It has been an entirely different experience than what I faced in school; there has been no competition with “us,” and when I refer to “us,” I’m referring to my squad.”

Nearly two years ago I wrote a post for Kinda Kind about women being nice to each other. Funny enough, I met Ashley of Kinda Kind because I wrote for her ex boyfriend’s website, Broke Ass Stuart. She’s a Michigan girl, too!

The girlfriends in my life are the same as they were the day I wrote that post, and since moving to Boston I’ve made a few amazing new ones, too.

Quality over quantity is so important when it comes to friendship. My best friends from high school and college are sprinkled all over the country, and naturally, none of them are in New England. Nevertheless, we never fail to keep in touch. I’m fortunate to have met some of the most amazing women these past 14 months in Massachusetts, from living with Brenda in Arlington to meeting an English girl named Jessica last April in Cambridge, I’ve been both inspired and supported by many lovely ladies.

Jess was the one who ran after me at Border Cafe as I walked out of a group lunch after listening to a sexist rant by an entitled male last spring, listened to me at a Back Bay cafe after getting let go from a consulting gig, and commiserated with me about guy drama and how terrible males can be in general. Jess and I stopped talking back in August when we both were going through a turbulent period- neither of us could help one another at that point because we were both drowning in our own drama. We finally reconnected in the fall, and today our friendship is stronger than ever. We spent Valentine’s Day together by cooking dinner, eating chocolate strawberries, and catching up on the latest work and boy gossip (trust me, they’re boys).  Oh, and I gave card readings of course, too.

Despite neither of us dating anyone at the moment, it was comforting to have one another, we both know what the other is going through and thinking, so it’s awesome to have a friend like her. What better Valentine could I ask for?

Forgiveness is a big part of female friendship. Last summer brought a happy surprise after a terrible tragedy; I received a message from a girl I knew back in New York who ended up dating my ex-boyfriend. We had all watched Giants baseball together back in 2014 and got along well, but I decided to be salty after I found out they got together (hey, no one is perfect). She told me she hoped I had been doing okay had offered peace to me, and I, being someone who forgives and forgets quite easily, looked at her Facebook profile to see what was new. No one could have prepared me for what I found.

I was shocked and saddened to learn my ex had passed away just two days before- and there she was, checking in to see how I had been doing. She had been dating him for the past year or so, and although I knew her years back, I was surprised to learn they got together- but was relieved when she told me she was by his side (no matter what) during his last months. He struggled with addiction and died of the complications of a lifetime of alcoholism, which was a huge eye opener for me back in July. I was able to offer her my experience, love, and support, which I am forever grateful for.

We have been close ever since.

I’m lucky that I can go years without actually seeing a friend, yet our bond is always strong. Thanks to technology, we’re never really out of touch.

Through the years I’ve had arguments and differences with some of my closest girl friends, yet we have been able to get through it together. I’m really grateful for this. I used to think that fights had to be an ending, but today I know that’s not true. Sure, sometimes there are people who are out of alignment with you and you’ll come across energy-sucking or toxic friendships, but it’s important to hold on to the friendships you value. When we are able to see past the drama or differences and understand one another, it makes life so much better- and helps us learn about ourselves, too.

This post is for all the inspiring females, from my family to my friends to my readers. There’s a special bond between females, so let’s continue to support one another, bring light, and spread love. The world needs it. TC mark

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