10 Ways For Mothers To Have It All
By Kristin Dunn
1) Connect to your inner rock star!
Think of a time, (perhaps pre-mommy) that you felt really alive! What were you doing? What was going on in the world around you? What sparked or ignited that feeling? Connect to the essence of that and give yourself permission to connect to whatever that was and invite it into your current life or situation.
2) Make time for yourself.
Make yourself a priority! Understand that by filling your days with tasks (soccer practice, ballet, t-ball, grocery shopping, etc.) you are directing your attention to all the “have-tos” and away from all the “want tos.” Connecting to the things/people in your life that you value is crucial. Create a schedule for yourself that first incorporates all the things that you love and THEN make time for all the rest.
3) Put on that little black dress.
Feeling good in your own skin is so important. When we look good, we feel good. Allow yourself at least one day during the week or weekend of which you can put on that little dress, high heels, whatever it is that makes you feel sexy and reconnect to that feeling of desire. Embarrassing confession: I often put on a nice outfit, etc. just to do my grocery shopping. It’s not practical, it’s time consuming as hell. But guess what? You’re worth it!
4) Perfect the art of letting go!
Letting go of the idea of what your life SHOULD look like and embracing how it ACTUALLY looks is no easy task! You MUST be able to celebrate the STRUGGLES as well as the TRIUMPHS in order to see clearly, where you are, where you want to be and where you’re going. So you didn’t get the laundry done and the kids were 5 minutes late to practice? WOOHOO!!! Celebrate that you got there at all, and get ON with your bad self! ( I like to give myself ROCKSTAR mom awards when things don’t go according to plans as a little reminder that I am human, I will be late from time to time and I’m still kind of a bad-ass.)
5) A little self-indulgence.
Create a life that doesn’t require an escape vacation. I was recently on a little getaway trip with my family and it was so relaxing as we began our evening meal, to pour ourselves a glass of wine and put our heart into our food prep. Luxury it was not, but creating “little things” in your life that feel special is a great way to pamper yourself a bit without breaking the bank. A glass of wine is nothing right? It doesn’t sound like it, but to this hustle and bustle mama, student, employee, wife, business owner, etc. one glass of wine seemed like a complete luxury I didn’t have time to indulge in. When you allow yourself small indulgences from time to time life just feels “right.”
6) Get involved!
Finding a way, even if through social media to really connect with other people who share your dreams, fears, etc. is a great way to stay involved in your community and is a great way to stay socially active, even if only briefly outside of the home. When you’re a work from home mom like I am, you’ll take any piece of social interaction that DOESN’T have to do with kids, dogs or cooking you can get! Join a meet up group, host a girls night but do SOMETHING to stay active and social during these years of devotion you willingly offer your family.
7) Allow yourself to dream.
Most of us hold a belief that dreaming about a life with less stress, more financial abundance and work we love is time wasted. It’s engrained in us deeply that you’re not supposed to like work and that it’s just part of life. I completely disagree. Finding work you love is so important to the soul. Your time is valuable and should be highly guarded and savored only for the things that matter to you. Understanding the value of your time and dedication can help weed out all the things (especially work) that are no longer serving you.
8) Create a vision.
Thanks to Pinterest and other social media sites, the old fashioned vision board seems to be a lost art. But, creating a vision board for yourself or your family is a very tangible way to stay focused on the goal. If you have small children, creating a family vision board is a great way to help little ones understand why your work (the stuff that takes time away from them) is important and how they can contribute too. We often say, “It takes a village” but rarely do we include our children IN that village. Let them help. Allow them to be part of the process.
9) Keep Secrets.
Yep! You heard me correctly. Understand that aside from your mommy role, you are a living, breathing, thinking capable being who has every right to have a life that is private and separate from your children. Often our kids aren’t mature enough to process what’s going on behind the scenes anyway. Keep a few secrets. Hold a few “tid-bits” hostage and only share with someone uber special in your life, or maybe not at all.
10) Date Night!
I cannot stress enough the serious burning desire and need for a date night in every given relationship. In my house, sometimes date night consists of my husband and I sitting on our patio with a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, reconnecting to one another as BEINGS not mom and dad. If there’s no one currently in your love life, schedule time for “date night” that’s for you and you alone. Get a massage. Take walk. Journal for a bit but whatever you do, don’t skip out on this opportunity to get up close and personal with yourself, or someone you love.