You are thinking about that special connection from the past. He decided to walk away and give up on the relationship. You felt a deep connection with him, and in your gut, you know that he did not walk away because he did not love you. Either way, you are questioning your trajectory and what you should do next. You want to start anew but you are having a hard time doing so. There is a constant background feeling connecting you to him. If you could just turn off those feelings like a switch so you could move forward, you would. There is nothing worse than wanting to move on but feeling stuck.
There was a lot of love between you both, but he closed himself off from you, maybe because of fear, distance, or another person.
Potentially you imagined a life with him, but something brought imbalance to the relationship, and he decided it was best to walk away. Maybe he thought that before he got in too deep, it was easier to end it. Perhaps this was a missed opportunity based on fear and confusion. There was an intense spiritual connection with him, but sometimes it is not enough to meet the right person—you have to be the right person within yourself.
Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time, and nothing will come out of it. It is almost as though he left a footprint on your heart, and it does not matter how hard you try to ignore it, the power is extremely impactful. You are trying so hard to move on, you do not want to put your life on pause, but the “what if’s” continue to play on your mind.
I believe the main issue at the core of your worries is that you feel like you will not be able to find this love ever again. It is not as though you never loved anyone before him, but for some reason, you fell deeply in love with him. You must stop feeling victim to your own emotions and see things for what they are. If loving someone makes you love yourself less, you need to take a few steps back and shift your perspective. Your happiness and stability do not depend on him or the connection you shared.
You are feeling deflated and questioning what can make you happy in the long term. Maybe the feelings of loss that you feel so overwhelming are because he just disappeared and acted disinterested. Truth be told, that hurt you deeply. You feel uncertain and this has limited you in being happy. I believe you are ready for a new beginning and right now you are focusing on your future but that feeling of loneliness makes you second guess yourself. You need to start anticipating something or someone completely different. Almost like a big ocean wave when the water starts to pull back just before it comes towards you at full speed.
You were very mature and aware of who you were and what you needed. I think he still needed to figure that out in himself and perhaps, you put up with a lot. Mainly because you believed in him, you believed in the “us” and you did not want to give up. When you fall in love, you stay in love for a long time, and some people take advantage of that. Although you are patient, you have your limit and you must ask yourself, do you need someone who is not willing to fight for you? This needs to be non-negotiable regardless of the passion you feel.
Now you are beginning to understand that you need more. You would rather be single and by yourself rather than investing in the wrong people. Your main goal should be to be responsible for your happiness. You have this need to love, share experiences and feel as though you belong. As a rule, when you feel a lack of love, you should not look for love.
Give to yourself what you are expecting from others. The Universe will respond to that energy at that moment you say, “I’m okay, I can live without a relationship, it would be nice to have it, but I can survive without it.” It is just then that the Universe changes your circumstances. The Universe will bring someone into your life with no room for misunderstandings. Someone will come into your life at the perfect time and will see into your heart as the beautiful woman you are. Believe in magic, harmony, and happiness. There will not be a question of their real intentions; you will finally feel at home in his arms.