Where did it all go wrong? It feels like unfinished business. You ran away and you turned your back. You left me feeling destroyed, holding all the responsibility. I never told you what I should have when we were together. I held it all in. I miss the person I met, the person I knew before our family began. I cannot believe after all the things we have been through, I still dream about what could have been.
The fighting was overwhelming. We were battling to be right and hurting the little faces we created. Things didn’t go as planned; we both should have known our limitations. What were we scared of? Now, years have gone by, and we are not even a glimmer of who we used to be.
I am going to hold on to hope and let go of the hate. Next time, I am going to say I am sorry before a fight. I am going to be vulnerable and express my heart. I am going to say I love you and touch your face to feel closeness. Next time, I will not shut down when I am hurting and push you away. I wish you knew how much I loved you and would have fought for our family. Back then, I did not have the life experience or the maturity to see my worth. Back then, I did not have a voice. I wish I would have held your hand in a crowded room and kissed you in front of our children.
I wish you would have taken the time to realize that we were worth it. Life is never that simple, is it? I wonder if we missed out on each other. Why couldn’t we have met each other halfway? We ran to all of the wrong places when we felt lost. “Sorry” is a word that will never come out of your mouth—I have accepted that.
I need something to believe in. I have reached the end of my rope, and I need someone who will have my back. I need someone who will promise to never let me down. I want to begin again. It should have never ended the way it did. I do not think we understood what we had. We fell apart, we said terrible things, but people can change.
We dug that hole so deep. My memory is different than yours, and holding on to hurt is a one-way ticket to hell. Half of my life is gone, and I am choosing to remember you in a better light. I am going to think of you like everything is alright and take time away from the history of pain. I am going to feel lucky to have met you and smile on our beautiful children’s faces. I am going to hold the vision of falling in love with my best friend and walking away feeling as though you once loved me too.
I have taken a hiatus from life for years since our split, and now I am ready to rejoin the beautiful splendor of it. I am going to make the biggest comeback from the experiences of heartbreak, loss, and love. I am going to fall in love again with fireworks coursing through my veins. I am going to get lost in the moonlight and dance under the dark sky.
This time, I am going to fall in love with no secrets, no regrets. I am going to leave my past life and erase all my tears. Fear will no longer hide my pain from the shadows of yesterday. It is okay that you never told me you are sorry.
I am going to take a blank page and write a new story, letting all my scars fade away. I want to fall in love again with someone who treasures my presence and walks beside me through trials. I have finally fallen in love with the person I have become, and now I am ready for the one who sees my value. It has taken me a lifetime to get to a place to wish you well. Without the start of us, there would never have been three more lives.
I am not broken, I am strong, I am resilient, and I am beautiful inside and out. It is my turn for happiness and love. I am going to fall in love again.