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This Is Me Praying For A Miracle

Well, here I am, God, praying for a miracle, praying for your Divine hands to reach down from the Heavens and take the burden of this pain from me. Year after year, I have struggled to finally get to a place of peace, a place where life wasn’t so hard. I started making plans, believing in myself, seeing the light at a very long, tumultuous tunnel. My life was turning around from hardship, and I was able to cherish my successes and be grateful. I no longer believed that you hated me, or even worse, had it out for me.

I started to believe in the power of thought and my ability to change circumstances, no matter how bleak. My existence became about even more than myself, it became about fulfilling a purpose. I was pursuing my dreams, aspirations, and having faith, no matter which road it led me down. I had an unwavering belief in love and good prevailing over evil.

Unfortunately, I had a tower moment, a moment where I reached the bottom in what seemed to be an endless pit. How do I rise from the ashes? How do I continue when all I want to do is sleep and stay asleep? Anxiety, doubt, fear, and every gut-wrenching feeling you can imagine has paralyzed my body. I am crippled in grief and sadness. Hopelessness rushes through me like a lightning rod, and I am overwhelmed with depression. The room is dark, the shades are drawn, and my thoughts linger in repetitive cries for help.

I don’t want to give in to this. Is there a lesson to be learned and a bright light of redemption down the road that I can’t see? Is this battle I am facing going to bring me justice? What is the alternative? To give up? I think I have one last fight inside me. I have been through too much in my life to surrender to this pain.

I am scared. What will the outcome be? My tears are engulfing my soul. I must push on, no matter the conclusion. I believe there is a reason for everything. I trust that sometimes we must let go and let God. Sometimes we see people living happy lives, abundant in everything, and we wonder why we can’t share in this. I know many of us make mistakes, travel down broken paths, and have the hand of faith continue to bring us through storms, but there must be serendipity.

I believe that we all have two channels in our brain—the positive channel and the negative channel. I am choosing to find the positives in this difficult situation. I am choosing to see the silver lining. I am choosing to take control of my emotions, because I am the master of my mind. No matter what the external environment is, I have the freedom of how I will respond to it. I have taken myself out of the blame game. No matter what I did, no matter what someone did to me, no matter what my environment is, I alone cultivate my negative thoughts. I am taking responsibility for myself and not allowing any circumstances to control my mood, actions, or destiny. I am choosing to be temperance in a tidal wave of desperation.

Well, here I am, God, praying for a miracle, knowing that your Divine hands have already reached down from the Heavens and taken the burden of pain from me. I know there is one last storm to endure before you grace me with my miracle. I will not give up! I will not give in! I will persevere and triumph over any obstacle and win at life. Thank you for allowing me to feel sad and then giving me the courage to carry on.

You can achieve anything you set your mind to at any age

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