woman sitting on bed

I Am Rediscovering Who I Am Without You

I won’t say what has already been said before. I don’t need your honesty; I don’t need your empty words today. Just take my hand, hug me, kiss me like a lover, and don’t let me go. I don’t need you to be my friend, I need to be lost with you inside my heart. Every breath, every heartbeat, every moment is yours to have. Stop dragging my fears out the door and watching my heart break just a little bit more. You have my head spinning, and I feel out of control.

The world is beating me down. You are my distraction and my music in a world of chaos. You are my end, and you are my beginning. I love all your imperfections. I wish I could tell you that I love you. I wish I was all you ever wanted. I must stay silent. I must have self-respect, because I’ve been down the road of rejection with you and my soul can’t bear that pain again. Now that I am without you, is it too late to turn around? There is a side of me that I never let you see, and I miss you.

Here I am alone. The band quit playing, and I’m not ready to go home. I want you to come back. I want to slow dance in the sunset hours. I want you to make love to me until the sun comes up. I want you to be my love song. Can’t we drive down a long back road singing melody to our favorite songs? I want to wake up in your arms as you roll over to pull me in close to your body.

Just give me a minute to look in your face. I’m tired of being a fighter. Just tell me I’m not alone. Let me feel lighter, let me feel the sun hit my face and your words whispering in my ear that you love me. I want to see your baby blues staring back at me, telling me everything is going to be alright.

I sat outside alone tonight and made a wish in the star-filled night. I wished that I felt the breeze of your cologne as you walked behind me to embrace me. Every day was so wonderful with you, and now I can’t breathe. I feel the emptiness — you are gone, and I am here rediscovering me without you. I fell so hard. My heart is in misery, and I am afraid to trust now.

I’ve lost my way, I fake a smile, and I fake my happiness. You leaned on me, and I shouldered your pain. Now I carry hurt, and you are nowhere to be found. I roll over in the empty bed holding back the tears sliding down my cheek. I breathe in, I breathe out; the past is the past, and I need to begin again.

It’s been an uphill climb, and I am moving little by little. I can finally stand the woman in the mirror looking back at me. I’ve stood in the rain of my tears for you for too long. I’m getting there, I’m better than I was yesterday, and I have so many sunsets to see, so much more life to live. I’m not sure why things turned out the way they did? You said goodbye; I couldn’t see past you leaving, but I am better than I was when you walked out.

Baby, I don’t think you ever knew me at all. I’ve changed, and time has made me stronger than I have ever been. I genuinely loved you, I genuinely cared for you, and now I genuinely love the woman I became who emerged through the fire.

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