It’s Time To Feel The Pain

shallow focus photograph of person holding string lights
Ander Burdain / Unsplash

I used to be strong.

I could count on one hand the amount of times I shed a tear within 5 years.

I was numb to pain.

Then life happened. It wrecked me and my aspirations. It ripped apart my health. It stole my dream job. Tears became my normal response to every little thing.

The sweet man I’m dating and I were out with some friends recently. As he was dropping me off at my apartment later in the night, I leaned in with soft tears rolling down my face and asked,

“Why am I so insecure?”

Without even hesitating, he responded with,

“Because Satan is in your head whispering that you are not good enough. He will do anything to make you feel insecure. Everything he is telling you is a lie. You are so loved.”

I’ve been dealing with the heaviness of self-doubt and deep insecurity for months now. I’ve been fighting off voices in my mind every single day telling me that I will never measure up, that my talents and passions amount to nothing.

I’ve been wrestling things I’ve never encountered before:

Social anxiety

Loss of a dream

Battling all the stages of grief.

When my guy lovingly reassured me that my worth is not defined by my feelings of inadequacy, I was reminded that even in the depths of insecurity, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty, nothing can tarnish the joy of knowing our Creator loves us endlessly.

There is JOY to be found in acknowledging that no matter what we might feel, no matter what lies the enemy might whisper, we are still SO loved.

It’s fine to feel the pain. It’s healthy to release sensations of fear, doubt, sadness, anger, and hurt. Numbing ourselves to feelings is not the best answer to healing our hearts. When we start to FEEL out the pain, though, it’s vital we realize our identity does not live in our emotions.

We are masterpieces. We are warriors and reformers. We are unique. We are passionate and bold.

The world needs us. TC mark

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