Every disappointment, every let down; every betrayal, every point of suffering, every time you feel alone or lonely, every time you feel broken, helpless, confused… in those moments all of the pain is not there just to make you hurt. The pain is the kindling that lights the fire inside your heart. Without these moments we cannot see how maybe next time, we do things a little differently, whether it be the way we perceive, the way we trust, the way we grieve, the way we move forward.These moments are guides, reminders, and lessons. We have an inherent desire to avoid all discomfort. But the cure for pain is in the pain. This is what makes us human.
A mere pebble could derail our train.
Everyday is it’s own separate journey that collectively composes the story of your life. Each day that you wake up and think back to your past digressions and mistakes, stop. Learn and grow from those mistakes, the only way you are that same person is if you actively choose to be that same person. If you go to bed thinking “I fucked up today”, sit in silence, and think about where that pebble came from. Was it something you did? Then tomorrow don’t do that thing.
Is it something out of your control, was it a strong wind or mixed signals that threw off your trains direction? Find another route. Find a way to make it work. Sometimes things come completely out of left field, some things make us feel hopeless; we set our course and still we see no real way of getting there, the track is permanently and devastatingly broken. And that is when you rebuild. Every thing that stirs an emotional response in us, is a result of how we perceive it. It is not always possible to find a reason or a lesson in life’s hard moments, but somewhere down the line, we can.
When things don’t go your way, or you don’t get what you want, instead of thinking nothing ever ‘goes your way’ think about why you might not be getting it. We can connect strings of events and figure out the point in which the direction has changed, bringing you to certain destinations. It’s not until long after, that you realize these thing sometimes, and that’s okay; you have to remember it’s a collective journey.
Inherently we know the things we need, we know the right choice, the right reaction, the right words; but sometimes we cannot pull that lever. Sometimes we get stuck. Maybe you didn’t get to where you wanted to be, but there is always tomorrow. We are continual works in progress; it’s the nature of being. You are not the same you as you were 10 years ago, five years ago, a week ago. We are molded and shaped everyday. Every time the sun rises there’s a new day of challenges, decisions and thoughts to be had; and each day is another opportunity.
Sometimes being alive and being human feels dark and other times the colors so vivid and clear; and most other times; hovering right around the middle ground. Sometimes these different states can stretch out for a long time; until that dark and fogged color gets lifted, even momentarily by the smallest thing. Enjoy the color while it’s there. Seek the incandescent beams trying to break through where you can. Remember those moments when it’s hard to see. The worry of a looming darkness hovering out there somewhere can shatter that streak of clarity, if we let it. That’s anxiety. Don’t anticipate darkness, bask for now.
Look at yourself honestly; assess your wants and needs with clear eyes. Make sure what you’re striving for is what is best for you. It’s easy to go through life with a mask on, or with walls built; things put up or on to protect ourselves or to shield us. Sometimes when we try to see ourselves; even we get fooled. Dig deep.
Choose to take things in stride, choose to see the other side, the possibilities. Instead of trying to find immediate meaning, let yourself reflect and absorb. Be patient. Things make sense in time.
Set your life on fire. Do not try to fight things, aside from our own actions and perceptions we are not in control of anything else. Accept all things and figure out how you can make it better. Counter oppression with learning, and with growth. Never stop. It’s so easily to fall into a state of defeat. Don’t let your path be blocked, do not let yourself grow stagnant or afraid. Push forward.
Seek those who fan your flames. We cannot control the thoughts, actions, words, or intentions of others. But we can actively find those we connect with, who can help; and help ourselves through the helping and guiding of others. Everyone you meet is a teacher; whether they show you a path not yet taken, or show you the exact one you don’t ever want to cross.
The most important lesson of all is to just be. We create our own meaning, each unique to us. The only rule is to live in a way that makes you happy, and doesn’t impede on the happiness of others or your own. We each have unique experiences and challenges and different processes on how to handle this. We all end up at the same destination. Be respectful of others, they’re just trying to figure it all out too. Let your heart be filled with light. The suffering as the wood and the elation as wind that brings it ablaze.
Don’t not accept less than you’re worth, and be a person who deserves a lot. Seek to improve, to build your trains momentum; not to get to the finish line (yes, yes.. we all die) but the momentum to take different courses; through better scenery.
In the grand scheme of things; in space and in time; we are but mere speck of dust. Dust that gets an infinitesimal amount of time to experience this world and life seems infinitely complicated when we try to define it or pinpoint exactly what it should be or what it is. The endless pursuit of “what is the point, everything is meaningless” is always hovering around us. So rather than try to point what it should be, let us just be.
The following is my own perception of how to get through it; on a path with better scenery..
- Appreciate the beauty the world offers you.
- Be kind to yourself, but also hold yourself accountable.
- Tell others how you feel good and bad, especially the good.
- Surround yourself with the things and the people that make you happy.
- Connect with those whose souls resonates with your own.
- Remember that you have an opportunity everyday, to change your own course, maybe not significantly, but every step counts, and though days may feel like you’re moving backwards or standing still; keep going.
- When possible, assess your perception; maybe there is another side.
- Live authentically, and genuinely and true to your beliefs and ideas.
- Remember that never once has dwelling, or worry changed a course of events. Those thoughts are just in your head and can eat at you, and ultimately have no effect on the outcomes. Push forward.
- Rejoice, for you are alive.
I sought to put words to paper, that deal with the suffering we all experience at times, merely by existing. What came to be was this; a not completely organized group of thoughts that came to mind when I just thought about what it is like to be alive. And much like life; it’s scattered and fragmented and needs to be pieced together a whole to make ‘sense’. Because I’ll forever be seeking to improve as well.