When Depression Comes Between Love

I wanted to love you but I needed to love myself first.

It’s impossible to love another person if you don’t love yourself.

Be happy and you’ll be happy with your partner.

I wish it were this easy.

From the second my therapist said, “I think you have high-functioning depression,” everything seemed to make sense. I was prescribed an anti-depressant and everything seemed better.

And then it wasn’t. The worst effects can come from my first prescription rather than the depression. I switched medications immediately.

The clouds parted and the sun shined. I remembered what life had been like before…what it was like to feel like my normal self again.

And then I met you. And you were everything I had hoped for. Kind. Gentle. Intelligent.

But you also suffered from depression and anxiety. We couldn’t seem to figure it out. I was okay. And you were okay. And then one of us wasn’t. We were so busy trying to fight our own battles that we couldn’t try to fight each other’s.

I wanted to love you. And I think I did. But I was so busy trying to get myself to be okay that I didn’t have any energy left trying to get you to be okay.

And in the end, this was our downfall.

Maybe when we’re both okay, it will all be different. But for now, I just want you to be happy. More importantly, I want to be happy. Because we both deserve that. And when I’m happy and you’re happy, maybe we can be happy together.

For now, this isn’t goodbye. This is good luck. May you get everything you’ve ever wanted. You deserve it.

But so do I.