Rejection. The skillfully played out “pass” on the situation. The sheer ignorance to the applicant in front of them. The carefully worded “fail to pursue future interest in the matter”. The neglect to the feelings at hand, but rather avoid the situation that could potentially come. The flat out “NO” to the deal. Rejection seems like such a hard concept when you have to do it, but to receive it, it seems like such a breeze from the sender. Yet it is like a hurricane, with the waves crashing down on you, taking out every breath that you have left within you. Rejection is what I’ve grown used to.
The idea of someone not accepting you for all that you are worth is gut-wrenchingly painful. You look in the mirror everyday and see the person that you have worked to be all your life. This beautiful soul, in and out, and yet this person can’t see what you see.. Whether it be for the big job, a friend request or simply a date, the idea that they won’t take a chance on what could be with you simply breaks your heart, if it wasn’t already broken. Rejection is a broken of it’s own that I know all too well.
While we may act as though it is okay, and that the world will move on just fine, we question if it will. While we may look at this as one door closing and looking for that next one to open, we wonder if that was the last shot we had. While we may make it seem on the surface like we’re fine, on the inside, we’re wondering where on Earth we went wrong and how we could have avoided the situation at hand. On the inside, we’re cringing at the idea that this never-ending feeling of someone not wanting us will never seem to go away. That feeling of rejection has become me.
Rejection sometimes becomes such a common occurrence that I’m not quite sure what happiness feels like anymore. This constant state of darkness and uncertainty is a dark cloud that always seems to follow overhead. Even in the moments of happiness and when good things come, the idea that it will be ripped from the seams as easily as it came hangs in the balance like a vulture waiting for its prey. The happiness doesn’t stay long before it turns into a state of fear, with white knuckles holding on for dear life. The fear of rejection is the state I’m living in.
And yet, we continue to live knowing that at some point it will come again. That three-headed monster that we fear will be back, roaring it’s hot flames at us and trying to turn us into ashes. Rejection will continue to haunt us if we let it wake us in the middle of the night with a cold sweat and rushing thoughts. Rejection will continue to try to blind us from moving onto bigger and brighter things if we don’t prepare ourselves with the right shades for it. Rejection will continue to put up roadblocks and hold us back if we don’t build the right foundation to step over it, but that is on you. Rejection is something I’m ready to let go of.
I’ve grown used to rejection in all facets of life, but you my friend don’t have to. I’ve become so accustomed to the feeling of rejection that it was beginning to be the only feeling that I knew, but you my friend don’t have to feel that way. I began to see myself in a constant state of “not good enough”, but you my friend are good enough. I’ve grown used to this constant state of fear when it comes to the idea of rejection creeping over my shoulder, that I started to give up hope for a way out, but you my friend, don’t have to look back in fear and most definitely, can’t give up.