When You See Me Break

Woman in field of flowers
Jacalyn Beales

There will come a day when my darkest colors will begin to seep from the crevices found only in the most profound parts of my body. There will come a day when you’ll witness the rays of sunshine you see through me begin to dim like rusty lamp posts on quiet streets.

When this day comes, you will immediately make sense of why I take those little pills (my antidepressants) every day. And soon, you will realize that no matter how hard I’ve tried explaining my sadness to you, the words were never enough to help you see what it truly does to me.

I know you might start off as confused, or clueless as to what you should do after seeing your partner in such a cathartic state, but I do hope you know deep inside that all I’d need is to reside in your arms for as long as I have to.

I’ll need your love, reassurance, and a home to hide in while I try to pick myself back up. Sometimes, I might even just need to lie on your chest and listen to the beat of your heart, as I calm down to its pace.

You see, during times like this, I need you to understand that my depression pulls me into a deep hole. And in this hole, I am alone, lost, and blinded by the darkness. So if your efforts in making me laugh, and such, don’t work like they usually do, know that you are not and never will be to blame.

A little tenderness can go a long way, my love. Hold on to the patience you’ve always had for me, pull me in, and remind me that I am safe and that everything will soon pass.

Tell me that you will love me as much as you’re capable of, if it means healing my broken soul. For your love has ever been the only thing in my life to build me up and make me feel whole. TC mark

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