He’s Not Responsible For Your Happiness (Because You Can Save Yourself)

Ivan Obolensky
Ivan Obolensky

I stumbled onto a quote on Facebook that said:

“If you must tell a man how to treat you, then he’s not for you.”

The likes and comments were rolling in by the thousands mostly by women who probably shouted “AMEN” behind their phones and computers tagging all the poor guys who they thought needed to take a BIG hint.

Although I’m all woman – the type who is 200% down for females empowering themselves and others, I have my moments where I feel the need to apologize for my sex.

Sometimes, we really go overboard with all these check lists and requirements. It’s one thing to have standards but another to foster unrealistic expectations of men.

This social media quote that went viral, represented the views of over 200k persons. It implied that if you meet a man whom you need to show how you should be treated, then we should discard that clueless soul.

First of all, men aren’t psychic. Any woman who expects a man to read her mind is in for some deep shit. Communication is vital ladies. How can you both work together to achieve your relationship goals if you’ve never informed him what your needs are?

The reality is, most times YOU need to show the average person how to treat you; male or female. We are all humans and thus, from time to time we will slip up, make inaccurate assumptions and mistakes.

Even if you’ve just met him be real with your opinions as possible. Don’t pretend that you’re into that football match he’s watching on TV when you’re dying to see that new LMN movie premiere.

They said compromise, not fake it, and this is a main reason why a lot of relationships do not make it past the infatuation stage when the make-up washes off (like that Taylor Swift video Blank Space).

Let him fall in love with who you are, not who you could be on your best days. The only way for him to learn about you, the real you, is to be as open and honest as early as possible.

Unless you’re some sort of angel sent to warn us that the world will end when Obama is no longer President, there’s no need to be a “Yes Woman” all the time and say the perfect things, with perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect outfits only to complain three years later when your needs aren’t being met.

Be yourself. For me, it’s that balance between being the woman who enjoys guys who open the door for her, feeling protected knowing that he has my back but is still happy for me while I independently take on the world, my career and finances along with my gazillion projects and interests.

As women, it’s not always about sacrificing our lives for others but we also need to be able to stand up for ourselves and stand by what we desire – that includes addressing issues in our relationship that is unfair or unhealthy. We can be loving, sweet and supporting without tolerating bullshit, disrespect or emotional abuse. Some men are only dogs because some women allow them to bark and bite.

There are many great, amazing men out there but when we blame them for all our problems, it creates a gloom over the entire female population that undervalues our ability to influence and impact change in our own lives. We fought for equality remember? Which means we’re equally responsible for the crap that happens in our relationship.

Yet in 2016 some of us are still waiting to be rescued, without recognizing that if you’re human, then so is he. He does not have superhero powers to read our minds, consistently pick us up when we fall or keep our head up in the clouds of romance.

Yes, he may be able to be your knight in shining armour at times but consider it a privilege not an obligation. We are responsible for our own happiness and the way we allow our significant other to treat us. Sometimes that includes building up the will to speak up and endure that slightly uncomfortable chat about our boundaries. Surely the RIGHT guy is going to respect that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Kristal is a freelance writer and entrepreneur.

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