As the holidays wind down and the winter really kicks in we see all the romances, that made it, get cozy. The summer wedding invitations and endless christmas cards leave us feeling more alone and wanting more than ever.
We notice the happiness we are without, our seasonal gratitude quickly fades. We wonder about the people we ‘could’ve’ been with. Every rejection feels fresh again, how do we lick our invisible wounds, we look for validation anywhere it could be. We get our hair done and smile for the camera. We call an ex or drink too much to remember if we did. In our embarrassment we look for comfort and find it in the online sea of strangers who won’t remember us in 15 minutes. Yet we hold onto promises of the physical world, worse we treat them as fact.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
This is an especially dangerous statement to take into online dating or social media. Just because the fish are there does not mean they will ever see you. Or pay attention to you. What makes you different than any other hook or fellow fish. What makes your bait special. Who are you in this cliche anyways… Are you looking for a mate or a meal. And how does that shape where we should go to find ‘our fish’. Is there a world where we need a licence for this proverbial fishing. Is that what we need. Is it only a matter of time before all the shine we put on ourselves means nothing– before we see in Instagram filters and only allow ourselves 140 for self expression.
We make ourselves an idea– a meme and ask why everyone is so shallow.
We refuse to say what we actually think and wonder why we feel constantly misunderstood.
There aren’t plenty of fish in the sea. Your tinder matches will run out. That back up plan you have is person. The one who got away is getting further away every day. The perceived abundance online dating gives is a farce used to keep you clicking. This isn’t to say that online dating is useless or shameful, our expectations of it are.
When you want to be loved are you looking in the right places? You have to ask for what you want, you have to be more than who you want them to see. If the sea dried up how would you meet people, would your social skills pass that test. Would you be left stuttering to your drink at the end of the night.
We assume that no one is looking for a unique person or relationship. We conform so much that we make ourselves faceless. We have lost the value of conversation– of getting to know someone and let our insecurity keep us quiet and well-behaved. We don’t live our current life in hopes of finding our next one. We hide our beauty along with our flaws. We hide our confidence and call it gone, until it is.