Life can really be so unfair at times, don’t you think?
Sometimes, no matter how much you do your best, it’s still not enough. No matter how much you try, it just doesn’t work out. No matter how much you give your all to fit in, it’s just not worth it. No matter how much effort you give to understand the reasons why, it just doesn’t sink in.
Sometimes, it just seems like nothing you do goes right. Like everything is a big mistake. Like nothing about this life is ever right and everything just don’t make sense.
I know it’s hard.
It’s as if ‘giving up’ is the only option left to choose to end this miserable state. It’s that anxious feeling that makes you want to fast forward time thinking maybe if you do that, you’ll be able to escape from this torture; you’ll be able to somehow find a reason to stay, a reason to fight, a reason to endure a little more of these aches, a reason to wait and hope for things to get better. It’s that longing to walk away from these things that keep eating on you every single day, making you as weak as ever.
It’s that resolution to never wake up just so you won’t have to feel the pain anymore, believing that there will be peace in that world of dreams. It’s having that thought of cutting the string of your being just to put an end to these living anxieties you have about this life that seems like an infinite nightmare.
Isn’t it unjust how things crumble just when you thought they are starting to make sense? Isn’t it ironic how life sometimes put you in this roller coaster ride and just when you’re beginning to enjoy it, it throws unbearable pains at you? Isn’t it awful how more questions build up just when you thought you finally found the answer to your long lost queries? Isn’t life just so… unfair?
Sometimes you ask yourself “What did I do to deserve this?” You ask the whys and hows; you long to comprehend the reasons if there are ever any. You start to believe that maybe this is just all life has in store for you. That there’s no more hope beyond the line. That there are no more greater things waiting. That everything is just a big mess. That nothing good is ever going to happen no matter how hard you try.
You think of the most negative thoughts and you let yourself be drowned in frustration. And sometimes, when it’s just too much to handle, you just cry. You cry your heart out until your eyes puff out, until you lost your voice from screaming so hard to let the pain out, until you grow tired and fall asleep. Hoping when you wake up, everything will be alright again. Hoping when you wake up, you’ll realize that everything is just a bad dream and reality is perfect. But often times, you open your eyes into the cold-hard truth – you are not in a nightmare; because the nightmare you are so afraid of is real, alive and eating on you like a monster that could never get satisfied with your flesh and wants to tear you down to the tiniest bit you can be.
It’s tiring, right?
As if there’s no more hope when you’re at it. As if nobody will ever save you from drowning in this despair. As if you are left alone in the dark, freezing in the cold. As if struggling is worthless because the shadows will only grow bigger and bigger until they become so infinite, you can’t find the light anymore.
But you know what? Amidst all these unfortunate heartaches, there is still the concept of “opposites”. Against the dark, there is LIGHT. After the rain, there is the RAINBOW. After the night, there is the DAY. After the sunset, there will be the SUNRISE. Against sadness, there is HAPPINESS. Against losing, there is GAINING. Against despair, there is HOPE. And against failure, there is SUCCESS.
Yes, life will really seem unfair at times, but don’t you want to fight a little bit more to see where it leads at the end of the road?
Heartaches, brokenness, anxieties, depressions, disappointments, failures, mistakes; dear, can’t you see? Whatever kind of life we choose, we will still live with these things. There is no better or worse kind of life. It’s just up to us how we will look at what we have for our own lives. It’s up to us how we will take the things we have and turn them into captivating arts no one ever imagined.
Yes, life is unfair. Sometimes it’s really hard to understand. Just when you think it’s making sense, it begins to crumble down and tada! we are all back to zero again. Yes, it is full of ups and downs like a roller coaster ride. Yes, life builds up tons and tons and tons of seemingly unending questions. And yes, life is really painful, but will you give up just like that then?
Of course, it is not right to just negate the heartaches like they don’t matter, like they were just some piece of junk worth throwing out. It is not right to just disregard the hard feelings as if they’re good-for-nothing; after all, once you felt pain, it is irreversible. It might heal after some time, you might even forget about it, but nobody can’t take it back. Just like how you can’t turn back time and remake the mistakes you’ve committed way too far in the past that led you to where you are right now.
But what’s wrong is when you choose to live with the pain, with the mistakes, with the what ifs and maybes all throughout your life without even trying to move on. What’s wrong is when you choose to look at every single thing negatively just because you’re hurt.
What’s wrong is when you choose to never give life another chance to prove to you that it’s taking you somewhere beautiful. What’s wrong is when you choose to live with so much fear that there is nothing more for you beyond the road. And it is completely wrong to choose to give up on life just because things don’t make sense to you right now.
The thing is, when we are in so much pain, we forget the line “everything happens for a reason”. Instead, we jump into the conclusion that “Oh I see, so this is the end of the road. This is my stop. I can’t go anywhere else from here.” We forget to consider that maybe this is our “stop” to be able to see something more beautiful than we thought, something more worthy, something bigger. We forget to consider that maybe these unfortunate events are life’s way to tell us “Uh oh, don’t go there, darling. I have something greater for you waiting beyond the opposite road.”
We forget to consider that maybe the tears build this veil that keeps us from seeing the real beauty of life. We regard failures as the end of the road; not knowing that we failed for something more grand to happen; not knowing that we are redirected into somewhere more splendid.
Maybe right now, some things don’t make sense. Some things hurt. Some things are out of the way. And maybe your best plans don’t align with what life offers and you’re thinking you’re not going anywhere big, anywhere great; but take heart, darling. You just have to believe and keep the faith burning. Because once you put out that fire, that’s when you make the choice to stop and put an end to the journey toward finding the real beauty of this life.
That’s when you make the choice to stop believing that you are worth something greater than the pains you have. That’s when you make the choice to create your own limitation and a boundary you can’t cross. Once you put that fire out, darling, that’s when you choose to lose.
So to you, who can’t see the beauty of this life, don’t you want to at least push through a little more and be surprised? Don’t you want to at least try and see where the path ends? Don’t you want to see what kind of art are you bound to mold? And, darling, don’t you want to realize what kind of beauty your life holds?