I feel you.
It hurts, right?
It’s as if a thousand knives rained down on you and stabbed every part of your fragile heart.
It’s as if you’ve lost in a game you were so sure you would win.
It’s as if the whole world has put up a fight against you, crushing you down under its weight.
It’s the feeling of being “not enough” even after you have done everything for them. Even after the sacrifices, the efforts, the time you lend them, the love you gave, the understanding; still, you weren’t enough. It all turned out to you being “unwanted”, unnecessary to be a part of their lives. You became a mere passing minute on their clock.
But dear, it’s not what you wanted. That was never a part of the plan. You’ve been there when they cried. You’ve been there when they needed someone to talk to. You’ve been there when they needed a hug. You’ve been there staying up late at night just to make replies to sometimes nonsense conversations. You’ve been there trying and giving your best to make them feel wanted. You’ve been there sacrificing study time and personal space just to talk to them, just to listen to what they would have to say. You’ve always been there for them. And you’ve been there not for nothing, but for SOMETHING. You laid out this plan with the hope that they would give you a part out of their lives. And not just any part, but a definite one. Not a mere passing moment, but a lasting one.
Yet what have you gained out of those hopes? Well, here you are. Crying yourself to sleep almost every night. Asking where could you have possibly gone wrong, probably a hundred times a day. Blaming yourself for not being good enough, for not doing the best you can to make them stay. Or maybe, stalking them on social media, trying to get a clue to justify why they can’t have you in their lives as much as you wanted them to be in yours.
Or maybe, you’re locking yourself up in your room, forcing your eyes to shut so you could get some rest even for a little while from all the guessing and making sense games you’ve been playing in your head a lot lately. Or maybe, you’re out there screaming hard from the mountains, letting every pain come out from inside there. Or the popular getaway, alcohol! Tada! As if a bottle of beer would make you forget the pain.
Or maybe, you’re just letting it slide. Smiling your way through, like it doesn’t hurt at all. Oh, you must be so good at masking it all up with those fake laughs.
Ah, whatever it is, here’s the thing, darling: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
That’s life. Painful as it may seem, but that’s how life plays its game. And well, of course, you can’t outsmart life all the time, my dear.
It will give you different kinds of scars. And probably some of them would take a lot of time before they could heal, completely. But guess what? These are the same scars that will help you turn into the most beautiful person you can become. And believe me, my love, they’re not just scars, they are more than that. They carve something on you. Something that would make you remember certain things about life – not just the pain and the cold-hard truths, but also the seeds which would make you grow up into an amazing masterpiece.
Sure, you can cry over that person who chose to leave you instead of giving you a chance to prove your worth. And sure, you can hate life all you want. But love, like what they would always say, everything shall pass.
Losing always hurts. Expecting may be a path toward disappointment. And the journey toward finding love is not always a happy ride. There would have to be some bumps and wrong turns before you could finally find the one.
Eventually, you’ll cry your eyes out and question everything about the love you’ve found or you’ll ask yourself why you couldn’t find just the perfect imperfect one to fill the empty space in your heart, but by then, please remember that nobody can fast forward time.
At some point, there would be people who you would think must be “the one” you wanted to be with for the rest of your life, yet destiny just won’t let it happen the way you wanted it to. And maybe, you’ll ask “Am I not deserving enough for this?”. Of course you are. Everybody deserves to be loved. It’s just that time has its own strings of plan as to determine exactly when are you going to be ready for certain things to happen.
I understand how much it hurts to be left alone in the dark, crying in the rain. But, losing something doesn’t necessarily mean you have to lose everything else along with it. There would always be people who won’t appreciate you for what you can do, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find anybody else who will. And maybe, you might not be good enough for the one you wanted, but there would always be someone out there looking up to you as much as you do for that someone you’ve been hardly dreaming about being yours.
Love, we can’t change the fact that we are not in control of everything that happens in our lives. We can’t teach time on how it should manage and manipulate each and every passing moment of our days. And we must accept that we can’t always outrun life as much as we want to.
Cry if you must. Take a break. But eventually you’ll have to continue moving forward with your life. It’s not like the whole world has died down along when that person chose to walk away. The pain will leave wounds that might never completely heal even after some time, but it shouldn’t be that bad to let it drown you into the sea of loneliness and hatred.
You shouldn’t live inside that pain. You must get out. No matter how much it killed you, you must try to snap out of it. No, love. Don’t let it take over you. Don’t let it drive you toward an unnecessary path. Don’t let it win over your mind. Don’t let it make you live with so much hatred in your heart. No, love. Don’t let it control you.
Pain will always be pain no matter how small or big it is. But love will always be love no matter how much it has been trampled on, as well.
So, to you who have cried over someone who can’t love you back, it’s okay. We are all bound to feel that thing every once in a while. If you’re not in pain, then maybe you haven’t loved at all.
Don’t let it define you into something you’re not. It hurts, yes, of course. But be patient, darling. The right one for you is on the way. Just wait. Don’t rush things up. Everything will eventually fall on their proper places. Just be patient enough and let things be the way they ought to be. And you’ll see, in the end, everything will be worth the wait.
And every tear you’ve cried shall be wiped away through the love you truly deserve. And you know what? You’ll be thankful for all the scars you’ve had, that’s for sure. Because at the end of the road, all of these pains, all of these wounds, and all of these scars will turn you into the most fascinating art, life could ever mold.