There are an endless amount of reasons why you might need to get over someone. You were in a serious relationship with them that fizzled into thin air. You got dumped. (Ouch) You dumped someone but you still love and care for them deeply. Or perhaps you were in an almost-relationship that didn’t quite work out the way you thought it would. Or you just can’t stop thinking about someone you can’t have for whatever reason. Hey, we’ve all been there. And in my humble opinion, here are a few things that will actually help you get over someone:
1. Staying the hell away from them.
I know, Captain Obvious right? But a lot of the time, people don’t know how to completely cut things off. Like zero interaction. Nothing. Nada. When you used to spend time with someone regularly and all of a sudden, you have to stop, it feels like a certain kind of death. And I guess that’s what happens when relationships come to an end – there is a certain kind of death. So maybe have a metaphorical funeral, weep, and keep away from the ghost that is now your ex. (At least until you’re ready for a resurrection visit of sorts.)
2. Deleting them from your virtual reality.
I will always envy our parents generation for not having to deal with the bullshit that is having the option to peer into someone’s life once you’re done with them romantically. Let’s be honest, this is nothing but an emotional cutting activity that never brings you the sensations that you want it to. All it really does is let your imagination run wild with filling the blanks to the parts of their life you’re no longer privy to. I’m not saying that you have to unfriend them on Facebook entirely. But maybe unfollowing them for a time, and having a jar when you put a dollar bill every time you get on their Facebook page, and have to give said jar away to charity, is something you might want to consider. Don’t question the example, just do it.
3. Traveling to somewhere spontaneously.
Whoever said you cannot run away from your problems, obviously never booked a one-way ticket at 2 in the morning to go to, “anywhere but here.” Trust me, if you have the freedom, flexibility, and finances to do this, do it. What will happen when you do this? Well you might meet a bunch of strangers that you fall entirely in love with, and consider quitting your life as you know it, and living with them forever. Or you might just get some much-needed introspection and perspective on life, and return to face reality in two weeks or so. You will always meet yourself wherever you are. But if you can meet yourself on a tropical island after a sad period in your life, well, why the hell not?
4. Taking up a new hobby.
So you lost a person, your person. Well as you discover sooner or later, people tend to suck sometimes. You know what doesn’t suck? Running. Running will be there for you when shit gets rough….or at least until you get runner’s knee and/or need to see a physical therapist bi-weekly. But you might try something that will involve just being active and getting your rage out. Balance it out with some yoga and you’ll be good to go. Or you might take some cooking classes or get into knitting or sewing, or start a club for something that you’ve always wanted. Look, I’m not saying you can’t mourn your former lover every night before bed. I’m just suggesting that maybe you should be productive for a few hours before you do that.
5. Getting involved in some community or charity work.
While it might seem like one of the few times you actually get to drown yourself in self-pity and tequila without judgment, there’s value in taking the time to look outside your self-involvement and your feelings entirely. You can always come back to it. Almost assuredly, your feelings will never be more than a half a thought away when you’re trying to get over someone. But still, paying attention to the needs of others even when we are in pain, tends to give us some fresh perspective on our pains: That they are temporary, that they are finite, and that we do not have to define ourselves by them even as we go through them. And if nothing else, you can always think of yourself as being so much of a better person than your ex or ex-potential, who is probably not giving back to humanity like you.
6. Starting a diary.
Maybe you’ll become the Adele of the writing world and the asshole who made you cry so much will have to see your name in lights with the things you wrote about him or her. (Or maybe you’ll get published on a popular site based in Brooklyn, New York, *cough, cough.*) But whether you consider yourself a writer or not, journaling your thoughts down can be a therapeutic process that gives you the freedom to express any anger, resentment, sadness, etc. that you feel. And the best part? Nobody has to see it but you. So even if all you write one day is, “I got out of bed today” and all you write the next is, “This grilled cheese is better than my last relationship,” you’re the only who gets to judge your thoughts. There are no losers here. Apart from your ex of course.
7. Being a kid again and letting mum and dad deal with it.
(Good) Parents are underrated you know? There are few places on earth you will go where people will feed you, hug you, love you, and tell you that you are the best thing since sliced bread every day. But that’s what will probably happen if you go home and just hang out with people who love you unconditionally. Time might heal wounds but love tends to heal them faster. And your parents who inevitably know that you will survive this period of your life (because you always do), will be there with free meals and a shoulder to cry on. And that cry will sure feel better in a parent’s arms rather than over a toilet seat, wreaking of vodka and misery.