Take A Shot of Liquor Every Time You See:
- “We’re getting married!” Because even though everybody and their mother knows there’s nothing more cliché than proposing during the Holidays, why not?
- “Baby’s First Christmas.” I’ll never understand why people feel the need to pimp their children out so much on their digital spaces. (Your children are going to cringe so much in their later years.)
- “Look at our tree!” We get it, your tree is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
- “I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW WE BECAME SUCH A MATERIALISTIC SOCIETY….” Feel free to finish the rant. We understand bro. I love Jesus and my family 365 days a year. But checks in the mail don’t hurt either.
- “Ugh, have to go hang out with all my racist relatives now!” I guess I feel kinda bad for anyone (see: mostly White people) who have to hang out with racist relatives but must you inform us of this every year? Newsflash: This isn’t an act of heroism.
- “[Insert status about war on Christmas]” You know as someone who celebrates Christmas in the very Christian sense, it’s pretty insane for anyone who lives in a majority Christian country to complain about there being a war on Christmas.
- “I just want everyone to know that I am working so hard even though it’s the Holidays…” Sorry? (I mean I really am, but what do you want us to do about it?)
- “Grind don’t stop on Christmas.” Okay bro.
- “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” With some cliché photo of snow or Christmas decorations.
- “Give to this cause because it is my cause and if you don’t give to it, you’re a terrible person.” Okay, you do know how terrible a marketing strategy this is, right?
- “Here I am doing something wonderful for a group of people and I need you all to know it.” Usually comes with a picture of privileged person doing something for less privileged people. Hooray for needing everyone to know about how great a person you are!
- “Fit fam doesn’t take Christmas off.” Accompanied with a picture of your gym selfie. Congratulations, do you want a cookie? I’m guessing probably not.
- *Picture of a couple kissing under a mistletoe* People who do this should be banned from Facebook.
- *Picture of a group wearing ugly sweaters* Ho ho ho….so original!
- *Pictures with Santa* Honestly, unless your Santa is Morgan Freeman, this is really not that interesting.
- *Pictures of your Christmas dinner* Which will all look fairly identical to a lot of other’s but you know, whatever.
- *Pictures of all your incredibly expensive gifts.* Is there anything more tacky in the world than this?
Finish Your Drink If:
- Someone manages to say something profound about the Holiday spirit and Christmas that actually is heartwarming and genuine.
Disclaimer: Please don’t actually drink this much.