1. Whatever your hair texture and style, you’re going to wash your hair less than almost everyone else you know. You also don’t understand why people think that is gross. It’s clean everyone, it’s clean!
2. Brushing your hair in its entirety is a valiant endeavor that rarely ever happens. I mean it is brushed, just never as much as it should be. Because doing so would require the arm strength of a bodybuilder to get it all done. Not to mention the pain threshold required.
3. You will shed everywhere – on the plane, on a train, and in Spain. Okay, I was just trying to rhyme. But you get the point, there’s no hope. Humanity is just going to have to deal with your shedding.
4. You will also find your loose hair in the most awkward, strange places. Everywhere from your butt crack to old books to underneath your kitchen oven. Your hair flies away and lands where it lands.
5. Your hair has been caught in many places including but not limited to a clothing item with a zipper, a door, and even seat belts. Once in a while your hair even almost gets caught as you try to slip in an elevator but ultimately becomes the reason why the elevator doesn’t close. And so you have to shift you and your hair ever so slightly.
6. The untamed wildness that is your hair in it’s complete natural state. Sometimes that wildness looks cool and you rock it like a Diana Ross concert. And sometimes, you find your biggest beanie/beret/hat and put it on your head right before you dive into a cab on your way to the salon.
7. If you’ve moved new cities or your hair stylist has moved, it will be a soul-sucking, life-draining process to find a new one. A process that is filled with anxiety at letting new stylists try, and death-glares from those who will give you that, “Hell no am I touching that wild thing,” look.
8. Working out is ALWAYS going to be interrupted by your hair being in your face in an awkward and uncomfortable manner. No matter the tightness of the pony tail or braid or bun, it will get in the way sometimes. And hair ties just don’t always cut it.
9. Speaking of hair ties, at this point, they should have their own section in your budget because you are constantly breaking and replacing them. And no matter the “strength,” the hair tie manufacturer proclaims, it has nothing on your hair.
10. Kissing, making out, smooching, and any physical affection is always a trying experience for both you and the other person. It involves patience, innovation, and dedication. And also lots of apologizing for your hair getting in the way.
11. No matter how careful you are when you’re eating, you will inevitably get food in your hair from time to time. In fact, you’re pretty sure that you’ve probable eaten a lot of it without knowing.
12. Random people always feeling the need to come up and touch your hair. One minute you’re living your life, minding your own business. The next minute, you have some stranger’s grubby hands asking you, “Is this all yours?” or some other unnecessary question.
13. Being around people with perfectly straight, calm hair claiming that their hair is wild or an afro or thick or curly is hilarious as they claim to know your struggle. And all you can say is, “Okay sweetie, okay.”
14. Getting your hair cut or even trimmed is a nerve-wrecking experience because it needs to be precise enough to keep the shape together. Your hair cut is basically a work of art, on the one hand. But on the other, it’ll grow back soon enough.
15. You contemplate shaving your entire hair off especially during the summer when it gets extra uncomfortable. Besides you are not your hair…except you know that your hair is your signature accessory. And the idea of shaving it off is just that – an idea.
16. People identify you as, “Oh that girl with hair.” Or they give you nicknames that only have to do with hair. Some of these nicknames are flattering. Some of them are not.
17. And last but not least, and what has become my personal all-time favorite big-ass hair struggle is getting your hair patted down at the airport. Like, are you for real, TSA?