10 Things We Expect From The Person We Love That We Need To Start Doing Ourselves

Whether you’re single and ready to mingle, dating, dating and looking, in a full-out relationship, or hitched, I sometimes think we expect a lot from the person we want or the person we’re with. And that’s good, having high standards is great! But while we’re out there trying to see if imperfect people are trying to be as great as possible, let’s also take a long hard look at ourselves and make sure we’re living up to the high standards we set.

1. Kindness

Kindness is one of the sexiest qualities a human being can possess. Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes it’s subtle. But kindness is something that you and I both know when we see it, and love when we experience it. A partner we describe as “kind,” is a gem because we know that fundamentally, they have a good heart. But what about you? Are you kind? And how do you show this? Not just to your partner but to those around you. The truth is it can be difficult to be kind when we get caught up in the mundanities of life. But if kindness is a way of being, then it becomes a joy even when it may be a mild inconvenience at times. Try to be kind every day – to yourself and to others. And you’ll probably find yourself drawn to kind people too.

2. Generosity

When we think of generosity, we often think of tangible things, and of course it’s important to give freely of the things that we have. For many reasons including growing up in a big family, I’ve never quite understood attachment to the point of selfishness when it comes to material things. But giving “things” is not the only way we are generous. We are attracted to people who give us their time, who give us a part of who they are in the form of showing us that person. And I think it’s very important for us to think of ways we can be more generous to those we love, especially with the intangible but important things we can give.

3. Informed/Intelligent/Educated

“Know something about something,” is a piece of advice one of my mentors likes to give everyone. Look, you do not need to be a rocket scientist but a general informed idea of what is going on in your city, in your country, and in the world is probably a good idea. Moreover, you know what’s really intriguing? People who are interesting and can teach you interesting things about the world. So why not be that person? Why not be that person who endeavors to know about more than their job, their industry, their life. Be the person who people love to have conversations with. Be a curious person. 

4. Good communication

We never seem to get tired of talking about the importance of communication. But no matter how much we talk about, we seem to all fall short of it while hoping that the person we’re with or want, is a good communicator. What does it mean to be a good communicator? Well, I guess it depends on what you want. But if you want someone who is straightforward, who talks to you with respect, who considers your feelings, ensure that you are doing the same thing. I have found most of us tend to be a bit careless with the way we talk to those we love us the most. And yet with strangers, at the very least, we are cordial. It’s morose. If you don’t like being yelled at, don’t yell; if you don’t want someone to talk to you in anger, do the same. It all boils down to that, really.

5. Financial responsibility

The reality is we all have to deal with the practicalities of love and relationships – no matter where we are in the process. As much as it is painted as solely a quality women care about in men – financial security, that is. Men are caring more about it too – as they should. Regardless of whatever the situation a couple may find themselves in – one more well-off than the other, one planning on staying at home or whatever. It is important to get a grip on your finances. And yes, it may take a while. Wanting to be with someone financially responsible means you have to be financially responsible too.

6. Taking care of yourself

Health can be a really touchy subject. Especially because when it comes to compatibility, we tend to gravitate towards particular people. Indeed, the media feeds into our desires of what and who we find attractive as we so often correlate beauty with health. We all want someone we are attracted to – but attraction is not a one size fits all endeavor. Aside from that, most of us want someone who pays attention to their health and how they present themselves. It’s almost naive to think that you can want someone who looks and feels great in their skin, without you doing the same.

 7. Thoughtfulness

Thoughtfulness deserves it’s own criteria because it is uniquely separate from being kind or generous, although ideally it should lead to both. If you’ve ever been romantically involved with someone who is thoughtful, you’ll know what it’s like when someone  immediately notices little things like what your favorite dessert is, the facial expressions you’ll make in certain situations, and the little things that make you tick. Even though we all want it in other people, thoughtfulness is actually quite rare because of the tendency to think of only ourselves in relation to the world. But be that person – be that person who thinks of others and notices the little things, and maybe it’ll rub off on those around you.

8. A great sense of humor

Everybody thinks they have a great sense of humor, or that their kind of humor is the best. And indeed one of the ways in which we become attracted to people is having a shared sense of humor. But beyond that, I think, we need to realize that a great sense of humor also has a lot with the ability to laugh at one’s self. It’s endearing to see another person laugh at themselves. It encourages us to laugh with them. And it shows that they can take it as much as they can dish it out. Make sure you’re that person too – the person who laughs a lot and can laugh heartily at themselves. 

9. Adventure

It doesn’t always feel that way but life is supposed to be an adventure. We forget that we’re supposed to be having fun and looking for new things to spark our interest. Not just trying to get through each and every day. I think that’s why people who are adventurous tend to spark our interest immediately. It’s almost like being around them will guarantee that they’ll take us on adventures with them. So get out of your comfort zone and make your life an adventure, and let people be drawn to you in that way. Let the person you want or the person you with, know that when they’re with you, life is an adventure.

10. Sacrifice 

This is the ultimate from someone we love. My fundamental view of love that I grew up with, is that it is above all, love is a sacrifice. And indeed we want someone who will sacrifice with us and for us. That’s not easy to ask from anyone but it’s how you know that someone really loves you. And it’s how you know that you love someone too – that you’re willing to sacrifice for them. Sacrifice isn’t easy, it’s not convenient, and it often means suffering in some shape or form. What am I saying here? If you want a ride or die, you’re going to have to be a ride or die. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Featured image – The Notebook

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