1. The notion that there is such a thing as “friendly competition” is not something you quite understand. And people actually expect you to believe it. LOL.
2. Even when you have a totally laid back demeanor and come off as completely calm, if you find yourself in any kind of competition whatsoever, your body, mind, and soul will treat it like a life and death situation.
3. Doing any form of team work with people who are not as competitive as you is your version of hell on earth. How are people just okay with losing? HOW?
4. And it’s not that you’re not a team player, it’s just that you think if everybody would just do what you told them or let you take care of it or had your competitive spirit, team work would just be a much more enjoyable experience in general.
5. Not wanting to participate in something because you’re not sure if you have a chance of winning so you’re like, “Why even bother?”
6. People who quote things like, “It’s not about whether you win or lose, it’s about how you play the game,” make you nervous. I mean playing the game well is great. You know what’s better than that? Playing the game well AND winning.
7. Even your shade-throwing and shit-talking is no match for anyone around you. Because you know that aspect of the game needs to be perfected too because there’s nothing like getting into your opponent’s head.
8. Competing with total strangers who are oftentimes totally unaware that they are in competition with you, i.e. when walking on the sidewalk and someone tries to pass you so you speed up and start walking faster.
9. Starting anything new is always the worst because you expect to be good at it in a total of 5 minutes. And if you’re not, it feels like the sky is falling.
10. There’s no such thing as backing down from a challenge. It doesn’t matter how tired you are, whether you’ve ever done it before, etc. If someone challenges you, you go for it even when the consequences look bleak.
11. Losing is not something you’re very good at doing. And however graceful you will take it to save face, you feel dead inside from the pain.
12. You are not above competing with people in anything who are either half your age or twice your age because really when it comes to winning, age ain’t nothing but a number.
13. You have little traditions right before you compete in something, whether it’s tying your shoelaces on the left side of each shoe, or whispering a chant to yourself three times, etc. And no one is allowed to come between you and said traditions.
14. When you’re coming from a competitive high, you are aggressive to everyone and everything around you. You’re baking cookies and all of a sudden you’re like, “GO CHOCOLATE CHIPS GO!”
15. Training for everything from a half-marathon to a bake-off involves committing yourself to a rigid way of life in which your entire being revolves around whatever goal it is you are trying to achieve.
16. You have to deal with the fact that even though everybody always wants to be on your team, they also secretly hate you.
17. You always feel like apologizing to everyone after any and every competition. But I mean they should understand…you just really like winning OK?