1. Never being able to date an only child because your family doesn’t want to “carry the weight of” potentially being the only aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
2. Whoever you’re dating must also come from a “decently-sized” extended family. Decently-sized is relative though.
3. He or she must at all times be willing to let any member of the family stay with them – even if it’s the cousin that has been twice removed.
4. Whatever their job is, they must be excellent at it and become the family’s go-to person for any and every question on earth about said job.
5. If you’re from a “non-divorced family,” there is no such thing as bringing home someone from a divorced family, regardless of the reasons. Your family will be ready with their bag of statistics about why you can’t be with said person.
6. The person will be expected to participate in any and all family gatherings – and they have no excuse but death itself.
7. He or she will definitely be judged by how much they eat. And if they can’t eat till the point of self-hate, your family will all be passing around judgmental looks.
8. If they’ve done anything deemed “worse” than you or your siblings in their past, as far as everyone is concerned, that’s a red flag.
9. Your boyfriend or girlfriend must know almost every single family member by name and significant details of their life or your family will insist he or she obviously doesn’t care about where you’re coming from.
10. Because you have the strength in numbers, all Holiday dinners will be spent with your family and not your significant others’.
11. Your family has a say in the potential number of children you both could have. (Even if you’ve just been seeing this person for five minutes.)
12. There will also be THAT aunty or uncle that will tell your date when you are first introducing him to your (nuclear) family that when the two of you have children, you must name one of them after him or her.
13. There is only one answer to the inevitable question your date will get asked, “Do you like kids?” And that is, “Yes, I absolutely adore them and can’t wait to have a soccer team of my own.”
14. That you would never continue dating someone if even just one person in your family is convinced, “they’re not good enough for you.”
15. At least one person in your family is going to be convinced they’re not good enough for you.
16. That every single relative – even those you barely know – will be invited to any future wedding.
17. That whomever you’re dating is not allowed to have any flaws your family members don’t like. Because one family member will be convinced that said flaw should be your deal-breaker.