10 Superficial Identities People Label Themselves With (That Annoy Everybody)
1. Social Media Expert
Undoubtedly, there are people who are proficient at all the ins and outs of the latest, greatest technology that has to do with social media. And I agree that everyone is hustling out here in this economy just trying to make ends meet, but if you’re not paying your bills with this expertise of yours while you condescendingly tweet links all day every day about how to build your brand, you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror. No one is buying whatever it is you’re selling.
2. Fitness Guru
I love fitness, I really do. I write about it every now and then, end I’ve been asked to write/do promos for studios in the past. It’s great being somewhat connected to the space. What is not great is turning your whole personality into someone who is in the #fitfam and spends every waking moment talking about it, especially when it’s an interest and not your job. Going to the gym five times a week doesn’t make you special. Lots of people do it.
3. Traveler
Travelling is great. I’ve had the privilege of doing it since I was a little kid. If I could, I would do it every other month but my cash flows are not that deep. But my father has been to more countries than most people I know but I have never ever heard him refer to himself as a “traveler.” I talked to him about it recently and he said the lamest thing you can do is define yourself by a privileged hobby. (Haha, I love my dad.) But seriously, we get it, you’re in Rome, you’re in Sydney, you’re in the middle of somewhere really remote that only the top notch travelers know – we all get it. But here’s the thing, do you travel because you like travelling or do you do it to tell people that you do it?
4. Health Nut
Whether it’s people constantly talking about how going gluten-free or vegan changed their life, or kale warriors talking about how much they love kale, there is a certain segment of the internet space that thinks constantly talking about how healthy they are is interesting. Just like fitness, being healthy isn’t a personality trait – it’s a choice for some and a privilege for many. No one needs to know about every last meal you’re eating. If you’re a food blogger, great but if you’re just instagraming endless pictures about your #healthylifestyle, you are beyond basic.
5. Runner
I have been running since I could walk. But I’ve had a bad running year since injuring my shoulder last September so I’m just getting back into it regularly in the last month or so. And during this last year, I have noticed how incredibly irritating people are about running online. I call them social media runners. Look, most people I know who ran or run competitively do not spend their entire existence talking about running. It’s like a certain segment of the population discovered this motion in their twenties and just can’t seem to talk about anything else. Millions of people run on this earth, most of which do not feel the need to document it every other day. Give it a rest already.
6. Foodie
Everyone likes food, some more than others. Some people are picky, some people order the same thing over and over again. Some people like to try new things. Who even are foodies? You know a lot about food because you make it, try it, and know about it because you have Google? Cool, everyone has Google. Yes, we all know some people REALLY have a love of food. They’ve dedicated their lives to everything food-related in a way that is awesome. But most people talking about how they are “such a foodie” while telling a bunch of strangers on the Internet (instead of enjoying their meal) are probably not the real deal.
7. Actor/Actress/Model
Oh my absolute favorite. I can only imagine the struggles of being a non-working actress and/or model. Going from audition to audition while trying to make ends meet. I know a few and let me tell you – that struggle is real. But there are also people who’ve decided that taking a bunch of professional headshots and body shots with some amateur photographers who are also trying to make ends meet makes them models (and actresses). I’ve been asked to take photos too because some rando needed a somewhat tall dark-skinned person and I needed headshots for digital bios. Still, my 15minutes of fame did not come. So yes, asking your bestie to take selfies of you in your bathroom doesn’t make you famous, even if you are incredibly good-looking.
8. Too Awkward To Function
I’m awkward, you’re awkward….we’re all just so awkward. Look, awkward has become a thing, a thing that somewhat attractive people who can pull off glasses and still look smoking like to claim. Truly awkward people are often the outcasts in society, truly weird people usually don’t have hundreds of thousands of followers adoring them while showing videos of themselves eating pizza. So please let’s just put an end to this “awkward” mess. We all have our kinks, we’re all a little bit not normal, but very few of us are the real real-life New Girl.
9. Introvert
The funny thing about this “identity” is one of my close friends in grad school actually based most of her research on introvert studies so I can smell the bullshit easily just having read through most of her work. Everybody and their damn cat need to stop claiming to be an introvert. Introverts do get the shaft in many Western societies because the culture values extroverts, generally speaking. But the truth is most of us tend to go back and forth between being an introvert and an extrovert and as you get older, the two tend to equalize. Everyone just take a seat with this.
10. Fashion/Beauty/Lifestyle Blogger
You’re being bank-rolled. We all know it. And you know what? I’m not even going to hate on you, do your thing. But just because you have an unlimited supply of funds to buy every single thing to beautify yourself and your life, it doesn’t make you an authority on the subject. Personally, I’ve always believed, the less you have, the more creative you will be (which is why I really enjoy the less frivolous bloggers in this category). But seriously, either send me some of the free stuff you’re getting or just start saying your blog is only for those in the upper echelons of society because really, $250 throw pillows or $400 jeans and nail polish that is $50 sounds like freaking extortion.