20 Reasons The Vengabus Should Be A Real Bus

Written with Jeffrey Ellinger

Authors’ Note:

1. Because first and foremost, the Vengabus is all about that, “happiness is just around the corner” life.

2. Because the Vengabus would only make stops in warm climates along chill country roads, then in town squares featuring tropical shrubbery and fountains where you can wash your arms or breasts. And also at beaches featuring buff, shirtless men and raves, featuring even more buff, shirtless men.

3. Because the driver would most likely be good friends with Mark from Empire Records.

4. Because on the Vengabus, you are always sit-dancing in unison with everyone else on the bus.

5. Because if anything went wrong with the bus, you’d just break-out into some 90s choreography for a few minutes, and boom, it’d be ready to go again.

6. Because the Vengabus looks a lot similar to the The Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo. And Shaggy might be on the bus with “Scooby treats.” (Hint: “Scooby treats” are code for something else.)

7. Because the members of the Vengaboys would be on board, and this is good because they are all attractive and one of them might be Stephen Baldwin. So there’d be stories to tell.

8. Because I think the bus is now used by the Doodlebops for their 60s revival shows, and that’s no good for anyone.

9. Because being on the bus would probably up your Instagram game, “Just chilling with my peeps on the Vengabus. #nofliter #weliketoparty #boomboomboom #thisbusishot #whydoesthisbushavesomanycolor #thisbusgivemeanxiety  #getmeoffthisbus”

10. Because the only music playing on the Vengabus would be music directly influenced by the Vengaboys, or music which directly influenced the Vengaboy. Or music made by the Vengaboys, so you might hear “Boom Boom Boom Boom” then “Fernando” then “Barbie Girl” then “The Sign.”

11. Because bathing suits are the only items of clothing that you will really need to bring in your “luggage.”

12. Because the Vengabus would have to supply each rider with two free glowsticks.

13. Because traffic lights would burst into flames as the Vengabus approached, so it would never need to stop.

14. Because you’d be given a uniform: boot cut yoga pants – or tan capris – along with a tight lyrca top, so what a sexy time you would have.

15. Because nobody wears seat belts on the Vengabus including the driver, so it’s a completely safe and secure ride.

16. Because the horn would sound like a ship’s horn, and it would always be honked before each new track played on the Vengabus.

17. Because the Vengabus will be about the journey and not the destination. Because you’re not actually going anywhere in particular. Well, maybe New York and San Francisco. And Ibiza of course.

18. Because being on the Vengabus will be more than being on a bus, it will be a state of mind.

19. Because being on the Vengabus would be better than doing almost anything you’re doing right now.

20. Because, and more than anything, there is no such thing as the Macarena bus. TC mark

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