People can be perfect on paper; they can be perfect in person, and yet the stars just appear to be unaligned. And I suppose you can wonder about all the times you should have said something, the times you should have taken that five seconds of courage. But maybe this just also leads to wondering why they didn’t say something , why they didn’t take those five second of courage. Maybe crushes are always and only meant to crush. Because no matter how dressed in perfection they may seem and you believe together you could be; if it hasn’t come to pass, maybe it’s because it wasn’t meant to be.
I think in these modern days, however advanced we think we are; however much we tell ourselves that there are plenty of fish in the sea (and with over seven billion people in the world, there are.) Still, the rules of engagement when it comes to falling for someone have not changed. They are as simple and as complicated as they have ever been. But in our modern world, we are also far more able to be fixated on someone we like. We have access to people’s personal lives in an unprecedented way, and oftentimes we fall far too easily for who we think they are without really knowing them at all.
When we like someone, when we really really like someone, many of us become over-involved in our feelings. We accept the intensity as natural, not realizing that it is partially if not mostly a self-authored fiction of our emotional imagination that we’ve substituted for reality. And in this reality, we feel safe – we are allowed to be as in love as we would like to be. In this reality, the person that we feel all these intense feelings for, is just as enamored with us as we are with them. But when we escape this false world into real life, we face crushing disappointment. We face the real reality that our enamored creation was just a figment of our dreams.
You can think that you are wonderful and chances are, you are. You can think that you’re smart, attractive, funny, and the best possible complement to someone. But if that person doesn’t think so too, you end up hurting yourself and sometimes breaking your own heart. You end up wishing and wondering and waiting for something that is never going to happen. You end up wasting day after day, hoping against hope that something is going to change. That you’ll wake up and they’ll be just as infatuated with you, as you are with them. But if that were true, you’d be with them. You would, the stars would align and you wouldn’t end up defeated, feeling feelings by yourself. You wouldn’t end up with a bag of memories that never came to pass, and a lasting thought that maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
Maybe some things just aren’t meant to happen. No matter how badly you’ve wanted it; no matter how much you prayed, wished, hoped, and tried. Maybe you just have to find a way to run and hide and escape. Maybe you leave the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s alone and forget about closure. Maybe the feelings will eventually just go away. Maybe you learn to live with this: We weren’t meant to be otherwise we would have been; and if it was ever in our hands, let us not make the same mistakes again. Especially if by some miracle, fate would ever have the audacity to give you and them another chance. But careful now, maybe that’s just you, hoping against hope once again; not quite willing to believe that maybe it wasn’t meant to be.