A Review Of The 4 Pieces Of Dating Advice I Am Most Frequently Given

1. Always wait for him to make the first move.

I think this piece of advice comes from society as a whole; society, and the book He’s Just Not That Into You. Traditionally, it made sense. There was an expectation that men would ask women out. Why? Because it was one of those things that was arbitrarily decided as a “man’s job” and women were/are considered the weaker sex. If I’m being completely honest, it’s the default position that I’m constantly fighting against. Has it worked so far? Well, not as much as I had hoped in my early adulthood. But I like to put it down to the opinion that a lot of (American) guys are afraid of me. (To be fair, American guys are some of the least aggressive I’ve encountered.) Still, this is awful advice. The world is full of lots of different guys, some of which are shy and awkward. Sometimes, even the most confident guys are scared to make the first move if they really like you. Don’t always wait for him to make the first move.

2. Act like you don’t like him.

Believe it or not, my mother told me this as a teenager and she still stands by it. You have to understand, my mother is a very traditional woman. It’s common knowledge that my dad had to put in work before my mother even gave him the time of day. After 32 years of marriage, obviously my mother’s advice certainly worked for her! Alas, I am not surrounded by the same types of men my mother was, and I do not live in the same generation. In my experience, if you act like you don’t like a guy, he will in fact think that you don’t like him. Additionally, if you suffer from chronic bitch face as I do, nobody will ever think you like them unless you go the extra mile. So yes, if you like someone, act like it. Smiling helps. Talking to then when you see them also helps. I’m working on it.

3. Make friends with the guy first.

I’ve had several friends tell me this one. When It’s all said and done, I think most of us want to be with someone who is our best friend – the person we can’t wait to tell when something funny, cool, or totally unimportant happens to us. I absolutely believe that you should date someone who you just love being with. And sometimes making friends with that person first, might work. One day you just wake up and realize, “Wow, my really hot friend is actually dateable!” Other times, do you know what happens? You get friendzoned and good luck getting out of that zone. So I, suggest that you walk the line. Be friendly but not to the point where they fail to see you as a potential mate. Yes, this has worked for me. Well, to the extent that guys have certainly known I’m not their friend even if they haven’t always known I could be their potential girlfriend. Yeah, that latter part – like I said, working on it.

4. It’s the 21st century, you should approach guys.

One of my brothers insists that I ask guys out. He says my bitchface is too intimidating for most guys who could like me and that I’m going to die alone unless I learn to “woman up.” My family believes in tough love. My family also knows me as loud, assertive, and fearless which is true in every single area of my life other than dating. One of my good friends who was also my senior year roommate told me I suffer from ugly duckling syndrome so I am not as confident as I should be. Maybe. But what everybody needs to understand is that whenever I attempt to make the first move, my physical body undergoes some very intense reactions. I begin to feel like I’m getting hives, my sweat glands start overworking, my thorax begins to constrict, and I feel like my allergies are acting up all while experiencing the anaerobic heart rate of a sprinter after a 200 meter sprint. Okay, it’s not this bad. To be fair, the few times I’ve approached guys, it actually hasn’t turned out badly and I think my personality is better suited to it because I’m most comfortable when I’m straightforward with people. Sure, it’d be awkward to go up to someone I fancy and say, “Hey, I like you. If you like me too, let’s make something happen, yeah?” But that would cut out the bullshit and I firmly believe it’s better to be awkward than to be a coward…right? TC mark

image – TC Flickr

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