I Like You

picturesthatlooklikethis.com
picturesthatlooklikethis.com

I remember the first day I saw you or maybe it was just the first day I noticed you. You were wearing a green shirt; I was wearing an aqua blue top. You looking a little disheveled from the close distance and I was laughing causally with two friends; neither of us looked our best. I watched as you walked by slowly, I could have sworn you were looking at me, maybe even checking me out. I tried not to look up directly but I was definitely looking at you; I was definitely checking you out. I knew that I liked you.

I began noticing you more from that day – your hair, your smile, the way you walk, and the sound of your voice. Whenever we were in the same room, my eyes were drawn to you, and they still are, despite the passing of time. I still find myself subtly trying to get your attention. I keenly asked about you from everyone I could and I tried to find out who you are; I was looking for a way to meet you and I was wondering how I would get to know you. I really wanted to know you.

But I’ve never been any good at approaching guys I liked; I’ve been trying to get better for as long as I can remember. Please don’t be so surprised. From the outside looking in, my demeanor is confident and self-assured but around you, I’m not so poised or assertive or outgoing. I lose my wits; I become shy, awkward, defensive, and stand-offish because you intimidate me. I know you don’t mean to; it’s just me and my poker face. I don’t do well with vulnerability.

But in many ways, I decided you would have to be an exception. I still remember the day I introduced myself, I cringe when I think about it. I had gone over the conversation multiple times in my head but the minute I opened my mouth, I fell to pieces; I could barely form words. Thinking back, it felt like an eternity but I know it had only been thirty seconds – some of the most awkward thirty seconds of my life. Still, I had done it and this simple act that is so familiar to many, was momentous for me.

I had hoped that those thirty seconds of bravery would be the start of something – and I guess it was. The tension, albeit in my head, of knowing that I like you and wondering if you liked me still hangs in there air but at least we are not total strangers, at least that first “hello” has made way for possibilities. But I still hold on to the hope that somehow through fate or through a twist in fate, I’ll get to know something real about you. Maybe you’ll get to know something real about me too.

Perhaps it’s just human nature; perhaps this feeling is really just superficial and sooner or later it will pass. And even if it does, that’s okay – I am not looking too much into the future nor will I wait in vain. But as long as you’re around and this feeling stays, I’m going to indulge it, and I’m going to smile when I see you and I am going to keep liking you. And I’ll keep hoping that maybe, possibly, potentially, by some miracle I’ll tell you how much I like you and finally get to ask you: Do you like me too? TC mark

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    Reblogged this on confessions of a lunatic and commented:
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    Reblogged this on Barefoot & Pregnant…..NOT. and commented:
    Hehe, sounds like what I’m experiencing now. Perhaps, I should make my own little confession of sorts….

    I don’t actually remember the first day I saw you or noticed you. But I remember the first time I talked to you. You were in both my chemistry and health classes, and in the latter, we were doing our marriage-budget project. We agreed to be a couple because you were the only guy I knew in that class. (And I was the only girl you knew in that class.) I also remember the first time I embarrassed myself in front of you. I guess I was just extremely happy that someone else shared my love for books and libraries. It was when we were deciding on the furniture in “our apartment” for that project. I don’t remember who mentioned it first, but one of us mentioned that we should get bookshelves because of a silly little dream of having a nice, private library. Ah, I seriously wonder if I scared you then.
    As time went by that year in school, we talked on and off during study hall, gym/health, and chemistry. I started to know more about you, and how we have so many things in common. Even our majors are the same. But I also realized that you’re probably much better at academics than me: you have more motivation than I do. But I suppose it’s because you don’t have to go through what I often have to at home. Still, I didn’t mind. You slowly became my motivation to work harder and do better. I think, comparing myself then to now, I’ve become more poised, more confident, and overall a better person.
    Still, I never feel fully comfortable around you. I often wonder, as I write in my diary nearly every day, if you see me in the same way. Or have I intimidated you to the point where you can’t see me the same way I see you?
    Our short conversations are the things that make me so, so, so happy every time it happens. Some people in the dining hall may have already noticed how I smile after you leave. You make me feel safe, respected, and appreciated. I couldn’t ask for much more, quite honestly.
    At first, I may have friend-zoned you, but that’s honestly because I was worried about getting into a good college and school work. Now that the first part has been achieved, my mind has started to wander towards relationships. I want to have an intellectual, mutual, and fulfilling relationship with you. Unfortunately, I’m too shy when it comes to this. I’m too paranoid. I’m not confident enough. Maybe it’s because this is probably the first time I’ve ever liked someone so hard or so much, to the point where I can imagine myself with you in 10, 20, 30, even 40 years. Is that a little creepy? Perhaps it is, and I’m extremely sorry if you’re creeped out. That’s just how I feel.
    At the moment, I just want to continue to talk to you, continue to get to know you, continue to be around you. That’s enough to make me happy. Perhaps in a year or two, as our academic careers move along, I will want to move to the next step. And perhaps, I’ll become more confident around you, more poised, and you’ll continue to respect and appreciate me. If that is the case, and if I still continue to like you as hard as I do now, I will muster up all the courage I will need to ask you the question that has been whirling around in my head ever since I realized that I liked you, a lot.
    Do you like me?

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    Reblogged this on finding my new york and commented:
    I think my alter ego wrote this. Warm and fuzzy inside.

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    Reblogged this on trashbinforthoughts and commented:
    “Perhaps it’s just human nature; perhaps this feeling is really just superficial and sooner or later it will pass. And even if it does, that’s okay – I am not looking too much into the future nor will I wait in vain. But as long as you’re around and this feeling stays, I’m going to indulge it, and I’m going to smile when I see you and I am going to keep liking you. And I’ll keep hoping that maybe, possibly, potentially, by some miracle I’ll tell you how much I like you and finally get to ask you: Do you like me too?” My crush should probably read this :))

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    Reblogged this on how bad can a good girl get? and commented:
    you

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