I remember the first day I saw you or maybe it was just the first day I noticed you. You were wearing a green shirt; I was wearing an aqua blue top. You looking a little disheveled from the close distance and I was laughing causally with two friends; neither of us looked our best. I watched as you walked by slowly, I could have sworn you were looking at me, maybe even checking me out. I tried not to look up directly but I was definitely looking at you; I was definitely checking you out. I knew that I liked you.
I began noticing you more from that day – your hair, your smile, the way you walk, and the sound of your voice. Whenever we were in the same room, my eyes were drawn to you, and they still are, despite the passing of time. I still find myself subtly trying to get your attention. I keenly asked about you from everyone I could and I tried to find out who you are; I was looking for a way to meet you and I was wondering how I would get to know you. I really wanted to know you.
But I’ve never been any good at approaching guys I liked; I’ve been trying to get better for as long as I can remember. Please don’t be so surprised. From the outside looking in, my demeanor is confident and self-assured but around you, I’m not so poised or assertive or outgoing. I lose my wits; I become shy, awkward, defensive, and stand-offish because you intimidate me. I know you don’t mean to; it’s just me and my poker face. I don’t do well with vulnerability.
But in many ways, I decided you would have to be an exception. I still remember the day I introduced myself, I cringe when I think about it. I had gone over the conversation multiple times in my head but the minute I opened my mouth, I fell to pieces; I could barely form words. Thinking back, it felt like an eternity but I know it had only been thirty seconds – some of the most awkward thirty seconds of my life. Still, I had done it and this simple act that is so familiar to many, was momentous for me.
I had hoped that those thirty seconds of bravery would be the start of something – and I guess it was. The tension, albeit in my head, of knowing that I like you and wondering if you liked me still hangs in there air but at least we are not total strangers, at least that first “hello” has made way for possibilities. But I still hold on to the hope that somehow through fate or through a twist in fate, I’ll get to know something real about you. Maybe you’ll get to know something real about me too.
Perhaps it’s just human nature; perhaps this feeling is really just superficial and sooner or later it will pass. And even if it does, that’s okay – I am not looking too much into the future nor will I wait in vain. But as long as you’re around and this feeling stays, I’m going to indulge it, and I’m going to smile when I see you and I am going to keep liking you. And I’ll keep hoping that maybe, possibly, potentially, by some miracle I’ll tell you how much I like you and finally get to ask you: Do you like me too?