Dating seems to be so easy for some people and for others it can be completely disasterous. There are so many parts of the dating process from first date to full blown committed relationship that can be confusing and daunting based on your interactions with a potential partner. Then there are the little things that have nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with what we tell ourselves. I asked 13 women about the things they tell themselves before going out for the first time with someone. Here’s what they told me.
1. “I’m not going to sleep with him. I say that and then I forego shaving and wearing sexy panties. Then 4 hours later and we’re making out and I’m thinking, damn, I wish I would have actually shaved and prepared for this moment.” – Kelsey
2. “I tell myself I’m only going to have one drink. I don’t like getting too buzzed on dates or too sloppy and acting like a mess or a fool, especially if the person is someone I could have a future with. It’s never one drink though, is it? I keep my promise of not getting drunk but it usually ends up being more like 2 or 3 drinks by the end of the night.” – Karen
3. “Honestly I think every woman tells herself the same lies like, oh yeah, not gonna sleep with him so he’ll respect me. I’ll make him wait so I hold the control in this relationship. If I wait to put out he’ll want to commit. But then you get on the date and you have amazing chemistry and it’s like, seriously? Why am I thinking about out dated rules about how men and women should date? And also, waiting to have sex with someone isn’t going to make them want to commit. Either someone thinks you’re amazing from the beginning or they don’t. And if they stop talking to you solely because you had sex “too soon”, then that was just an immature asshole anyway.” – Alexis
4. “I’m a big fan of telling myself this isn’t going to be anything serious. I think ‘just have fun and don’t worry about impressing him. Just be yourself because it’s just a date, nothing more.’ I think I tell myself this because the idea of actually finding someone to spend the rest of my life with seems daunting and kind of scary. I want it, of course, but it’s too much pressure for the first date. It’s easier to pretend, at least at first, you aren’t looking for something super serious.” – Kristen
5. “After I got out of a 6 year relationship I was single for awhile then I realized I needed to try the whole dating thing again. It was so strange going from a dating world back in like 2009 where texting existed but didn’t rule relationships and people didn’t have Tinder or OkCupid to a dating world where all of that is prominent and connections seem more empty. So, the one dating lie I told myself was “you’re ready to date. you’re ready to go back out there and see what the world has to offer.” Haha turns out not very much. I don’t know if I’m ready to date or not but telling myself I am makes me feel better.” – Melanie
6. “I think one of the worst things I probably tell myself is that I like a guy and want to see where it goes, even if I have a gut instinct he isn’t for me. This has happened a few times where I’ve met a guy at a party or through friends and they’re nice enough, sure, but there isn’t that initial spark. They end up asking me out and I think, ‘why not? maybe I’ll change my mind.’ – Christina
7. “I’m bad at thinking something isn’t a date and then I realize midway through it actually is. I guess I’m bad at reading cues. Like a guy I know and who’s in my social circle or friends with my friends will ask me for a drink and I guess because we’re already social together I assume it’s just as friends. So, even if I really like him I’ll tell myself, ‘this isn’t a date. it’s just drinks. we’re only friends.’ And I go in it as we’re just friends, nothing more. It’s confusing, honestly. I wish guys would actually ask girls on real dates not just ‘hanging out’ or drinks dates and be honest about their intentions.” – Megan
8. “Sometimes I freak out before a date and I tell myself I don’t know how to do this anymore. I get overwhelmed thinking about the expectations of a first date. Is he going to expect sex? Is this going to be something that turns out to be nothing? Have I even figured out what I want in my dating life? Then I’m like, yup, you need to just not date. You don’t know how to do this. This is far beyond your comfort zone. Then I get on the date and it’s totally fine. lol so silly.” – Katie
9. “I always say I don’t care where we go or what we do but honestly, I do judge them for what they plan on the date. Like if he just wants to get drunk at a brewery I’m probably never going to call him again. One time I went on a date and the guy said he wanted to go to Applebees. Okay, there’s nothing wrong with that but I don’t really like chain restaurants. I’d rather go somewhere local or more interesting than a stupid chain place. So I suggested tons of lovely places and he shot them all down, said he doesn’t like going to local restaurants, only eats at chains. Yeah, never talked to him again.” – Tina
10. “I say I’m not going to go back to his house. I’m not going to let this date go any further than drinks or dinner. I think it’s important to leave after a first date, go home and reflect on how you really liked someone than to get caught up in infatuation. But that doesn’t always work, obviously.” – Sophia
11. “I don’t tell myself any lies. I have no expectations for first dates. I just try and be myself and if the person likes me then they like me but I’m not going to pretend to be someone else or behave a certain way to be appealing. I think for people to be successful in dating they have to be honest about who they are and where they’re at emotionally with their love lives.” – Liz
12. “I have a bad habit of dressing sexy vs comfortable and that’s never good!! I’ll be getting ready for a first date and I’ll try on something sexier but I know I’ll be cold or uncomfortable in and then I try on something more comfortable but maybe less sexy and I always choose the sexier outfit because hey, it’s a first date!! I want to look GOOD. I want them to think I look good. So I tell myself “oh yeah, you’ll be fine. don’t worry about being comfortable.” Then once I leave the house I’m like WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF?” – Heather
13. “I tell myself I’m not going to be too honest or too revealing. Don’t we all sort of do that? Like you don’t want to air your dirty laundry or baggage to someone new right away, even though we all have it. First dates are like job interviews – you’re never supposed to do or say too much. But, if I’m being totally honest, I can’t help myself. I’m an open book! So if someone asks about my last relationship I’m going to be like, yup, he cheated on me and it really sucked for awhile. Once a date was like, “oh, why’d you tell me that?? Now I’m going to think you have trust issues.” Uhm, I don’t know, dude. Maybe because YOU ASKED ME WHAT HAPPENED IN MY LAST RELATIONSHIP?? Sigh. I don’t get dating.” – Nicole.