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12 Women Discuss The Decision To Not Have Kids

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markusspiske
markusspiske

A few months ago I wrote about my issues with infertility and my inability to see myself ever becoming a mother. I was nervous about writing that article because it’s not easy talking about something that makes you feel insecure and like you don’t measure up with other women, even when it’s entirely out of your hands. It was awesome getting tons of emails from women who could relate with what I was dealing with. I decided to ask women across the web on their feelings about women who decide to not have kids. Here’s what they said. 

1.

“My younger sister has decided to not have kids. Everyone in the family has 2-3 kids but for some reason she’s had fertility issues. She doesn’t want to deal with fertility treatments and adopting is too much of an expensive and exhausting process so she decided to just be the mom of 2 Golden Retrievers. I guess I just feel sad for her because she’ll never know the joy of having her own baby. I know she can and will find happiness in other things but as a mother myself I just wish my sister could have that experience.” – Carla

2.

“I’ve always known I didn’t want kids. When I was growing up girls would talk about their ideal wedding dress, their wedding day, and about what they’d name their kids but I always thought that was boring. I had different dreams than just being a wife and mom. I wanted so much more out of my life and it’s not even that I think people who don’t have kids are any better at all, because I don’t, it’s just my personal choice. What amazes me is how so many women are vehemently opinionated about those of us that don’t want kids and how sorry they feel for us. Don’t feel sorry for me! I’ll be vacationing in Thailand enjoying my peace and quiet on the beach while you deal with noisy, bratty kids.” – Karen

3.

“The decision to not have children is something that women feel strongly about because for those that have or want them they feel like it’s an attack on their personal decisions. When I was 25 I decided I didn’t want children and now at 42 I still don’t regret living a life without kids. I love children and enjoy playing auntie but I’ve never regretted abstaining from a conventional life. It’s still seen as a bit of a taboo.” – Megan

4.

“I feel sorry for women who decide to not have kids. They will never know the kind of love and joy and fulfillment I feel when I look at my children. It’s a kind of love that radiates from my heart. Something I never felt until I had my first born. Can they find fulfillment in other ways? Of course. But it’s not the same and they are fooling themselves if they think otherwise.” – Kim

5.

“So many women do not understand. I am perfectly happy seeing them with their babies but I’m 28 and I can’t see my life with kids in them. I wish the media and society didn’t make me feel like such a strange person for not wanting the same things as everyone else.” – Elizabeth

6.

“There’s this idea if you don’t want children you’re unfeminine, selfish, and unemotional. You’re missing the maternal, feminine gene and you’re seen as an outcast because of that. Dating gets harder as you get into your late 20s, early 30s because we’re all so naturally programmed to start having a family around this age, if not sooner. Men don’t want to date women they can’t have kids with, obviously, so finding a serious relationship can be harder.” – Dana

7.

“I was at a birthday party last weekend when a friend of the mom hosting the party came. She was 42 and had just landed back in New York after going on a backpacking trip in Asia. It was like as soon as she mentioned the trip (and no mention of kids or a husband) that everyone started speculating what her deal was. A couple moms wanted to know if she couldn’t have kids because obviously, that must be the only reason a woman of a certain age wouldn’t have a kid. The woman was polite and gracious in her answers (way more than I would have been) but basically she was just like, “I don’t want kids. I love celebrating my friend’s kids and their achievements but nothing in me desires to have my own.” Even though everyone was like, “Oh, that’s nice!” afterwards a few moms were talking shit and just saying how sad that woman’s life must be that she couldn’t find anyone to have a baby with. It’s ridiculous how women criticize other women and put them down yet claim they’re feminists or believe in women’s rights. Yet if a woman dares to do something abnormal she’s “sad”.” – Tina

8.

“I guess I don’t understand why a woman wouldn’t want to have a baby. That’s what we were put on this Earth to do – procreate. You read all the time about how the birth rates are going down. I think, if anything, women should have children so that we can guarantee there will be future generations. It’s scary to think of a world with just a bunch of old people and no children to keep civilization alive.” – Tammy

9.

“I used to judge women who didn’t want kids but after seeing a couple of my friends choose to live childfree lives well into their 40s I see how happy they are. They have no regrets and I’ve never had a reason to try and convince them to get pregnant. I have 2 kids and they’re darling but if I’m honest, yeah it’s a lot of fucking work and it’s a lifelong commitment. Having children is something someone should only do if they really want it. And I think the whole argument about ‘oh, if you don’t have a kid you’ll never experience this kind of love’ is total bullshit. You can find love and happiness in multiple ways in life. You don’t need to birth a human to feel a deep connection with another person.” – Emily

10.

“I’ve known since I was a little girl I’ve never wanted kids. The decision to not want kids is just as much ingrained into me as my sexuality. I don’t care what other women think of me. If they feel sorry for me that’s on them. I have an incredible life and no, I’m not selfish or career obsessed just because I don’t want kids.” – Dev

11.

“Choosing to not have kids still isn’t that acceptable, especially depending on what state you live in and the culture you’re in. In the deep South like where I’m from the idea of a woman not wanting or having a kid is seen as some sort of abomination. People treat you differently at church and in town. You’re seen as weird and “off” and it’s pretty obvious everyone thinks something is deeply wrong with you. I’ve been thinking about moving to a more progressive city just so I don’t have to deal with people judging me for not being married or having kids yet (28).” – Anna

12.

“I’m going to be totally honest. I don’t really have a lot of respect for women who don’t do anything with their lives other than be a wife and mom. I cringe when I see women put that in their social media bios. It’s like, congrats! You were able to successfully find someone to marry you and you had a child…the same thing everyone else is capable of. Women who only dedicate their lives to raising families in this decade are obviously small minded, uneducated, and have no motivations or dreams for their own lives. I applaud women who choose to go their entire lives without kids. Men have been doing it for centuries. It’s time women do the same without being criticized.” – Lisa TC mark

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