17 Understatedly Brilliant Things Karl Pilkington Has Ever Said

An Idiot Abroad
An Idiot Abroad

I always have a problem liking things that I’m told I should like. This has been the problem with most of the Wonders I have seen so far. The fact that this one is called the ‘Great’ Wall of China annoys me. I’ll decide if it’s great or not. It might end up being the ‘All Right Wall of China’ to me.

[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It’s more useful.

Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain’t been back. It can’t have been that good.

I’m not here to say they should use toilet paper. If that’s not what they do, that’s not what they do. It’s just, I didn’t know that. It’s weird cos whenever you buy stuff like that, toilet roll holders, it says “Made In China.” Why aren’t they using them then?

I’ve heard that fact, that is you eat more than 6 bananas it will kill you. I saw a bowl with 7 bananas in it, and I thought, that’s dangerous.

People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.

If you’re quite ugly and you’re sat facing someone who is pretty at work, who’s got the better deal?

You can be into traveling, but eventually you’re going to run out of places to visit. Whereas biscuits, there’s loads of them.

That’s the thing in Thailand. It’s like, “That’s weird. We’ll go weirder.

It’s like there’s some unwritten rule that if you’re mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don’t really get that annoyed about it.

It always seems to be the people you don’t want to see naked that are happy to be naked.

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.

It’s really grey here in China. Not really worth having this in HD is it?

It’s a hard life to be a stick insect. Imagine being a stick insect walking about in the jungle. You’d be forever going, “Is that what’s his name?”

A giant fly flew into the window and knocked itself out. This is the problem with insects getting bigger…they just can’t handle it.

What annoys me is how much land is taken up by dead people.

They’ve found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn’t lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it’s roaming in a jungle… get it locked up.

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Former senior staff writer and producer at Thought Catalog.

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