A few weeks ago my roommate T told me she had joined Match.com and was LOVING IT. She’s the kind of girl that once she commits to something she puts her all into it. And so, with Match, it was the same as anything else. T had four dates a week, in various cities around the country. I admired her vigor. She was really going for it – love – that elusive thing we all crave in one way or another. Her level of enthusiasm for online dating is something I usually refrain for trips to my local bookstore or when the pizza delivery dude finally shows up.
T had so many dates she didn’t really know what to do with them. One in particular she tried to pawn off on me. “I really think you’d be better for this date than me,” she said. “I’m not going on your date for you. That’s weird.” I told her. Nevertheless she continued to text me while on the date. “I FOUND YOUR SOULMATE. HE’S PERFECT FOR YOU.”
When she came home she told me she gave the guy my number and that she’d be waiting for invites to the wedding. Why was he perfect for me? “Well, he loves to travel. You love to travel. Ya know…you have…things… in common.” Wtf? That was it? Whatever. I was skeptical but I figured I’d at least meet him. And what if he DID turn out to be soulmate? Then we’d have that funny story of how we met – “Hey, remember when you went on a date with my roommate but she wasn’t into it all?” “Yeah!!”
Fast forward to the date and things are going well. He’s a pretty cool guy and she’s right, we have a ton in common (more than just travel), but I’m not getting the vibe. You know what I’m talking about – that feeling you get when you think someone is super awesome and you’re like, Wow, how did I not know this person before? I want to hang out with them a lot!
There was absolutely nothing wrong with him, he was great, but something he said sort of weirded me out. So, we’re talking about relationships and he tells me he has a “tendency to move really fast and that scares a lot of women away” Oh? Like what? I asked.
“Well…” he hesitated.
“I think it’s totally normal for a girlfriend to move in after 4 months of dating.”
“Ha! You do? That’s my worst fucking nightmare,” I told him.
“Why would that be your worst nightmare?” He asked defensively.
“After 4 months of dating!? That just seems like a huge step to make with someone. What’s the rush?” He pretty much immediately changed the conversation and it was obvious at that point we were looking for different things. (Also, real talk: he was a vegetarian and did not appreciate my love for cheeseburgers).
And here lies my issue with Match.com – everyone on there is desperate to settle down.
After the date I told my roommate what happened and how I had a feeling everyone on Match was like this. She tried to say I was wrong, so using a Groupon (yay, discount love!) I decided to join Match for the first time and see what it was like. Immediately, I came upon profiles with phrases like “Looking for a bride,” “Looking for a sweet girl to live with.” Holy shit! I’m sorry but how is this not utterly insane to other people?
If you know you want your next relationship to be serious and long lasting that’s totally fine. You should absolutely go for what you want, especially if you’re in that phase of your life when you’re ready to settle down, but there’s something so unattractive about the sheer desperation of needing that kind of seriousness immediately. Are they really looking for someone to fall in love with or literally just anyone to fill the void? What’s wrong with letting love happen naturally?
I’ve heard people say Match is better than a site like OK Cupid because people pay for their membership and if you pay for your membership everyone on there must have their shit together and be super great, right? Meh. I don’t know. I’ve used OK Cupid in the past and it’s obvious each online dating site has their own niche of people they attract, but overall, online dating isn’t for me. Something about it just takes the fun out of meeting someone IRL.
Is everyone on Match like this or just the people within the radius of my dating profile? I’m genuinely interested to know what other people’s experiences have been like on Match versus other sites. So, let me know. I’ll be over here eating snacks and listening to some tunes.