1. Convinced myself I deserved an entire meat and cheese party platter.
2. Rationalized ordering two sides of bacon at breakfast because Ron Swanson is my spirit animal.
3. Bought a pair of bedazzled mom jeans at Forever 21.
4. Ordered a batch of $40 chocolate chip cookies online from a grandma in Northern Michigan. My logic? My grandma’s dead. I NEED THESE.
5. Screamed “Fuck yeah!” silently in my head while putting two 60 shrimp cocktail rings on sale in my grocery cart.
6. Written hate mail to my local Taco Bell for not having waffle tacos yet.
7. Considered ordering Chinese with a side of cheeseburger and fries because that’s what Gilmore Girls would do.
8. Glared at a Starbucks barista handing out free bakery samples with Come Feed Me eyes until she made her way to my table.
9. Ordered an extra large gourmet pizza with extra garlic dip and cheesy sticks from Papa John’s while secretly wondering if I should have went for that Cinnapie too.
10. Yelled at an old man in Costa Rica for no reason other than because hunger.
11. Stared longingly at the home appliances section at Target until I told myself I would totally use a Hello Kitty waffle maker.
12. Thought to myself, “Oh, I can definitely eat all of that!” before ordering four tacos and a chicken quesadilla.
13. Shrieked out loud in joy at finding a half eaten Snickers bar in my purse.
14. Sung the lyrics, “I know you want it, I know you want it” Robin Thicke-style to my Chipotle burrito.
15. Threatened random people (parents, my boyfriend, friends, strangers) that if I did not eat soon they would pay dearly.