6 Reasons I’m Not Going To Stop Being That “Bitch” Friend

I get called a bitch, judgmental, and harsh on a weekly basis. What always amazes me about this fact of my life is that people tell me I’m any one of those things like it’s supposed to be new information. Like I’m somehow going to be shocked and change my ways. I’m not going to and here’s why:

If you’re going to ask me for advice, do what I told you to do.

Or, if you don’t want to do what I told you to do, that’s fine. However, coming back to me three days later and asking me again isn’t going to fly. I love you, I truly do. When I gave you the advice I truly had your best interest at heart, I’m well aware my advice can be flawless and amazing or cause a huge mess in your life, and taking that gamble is up to you. If you don’t want to take my advice, fine. I still love you, I’m just not going to listen to you whine and complain any more when you don’t even want to try all your options. Repeatedly asking me for advice, and then not taking it is the quickest way to a dirty look and a “shut the fuck up about it”.

I understand exactly how friendship works and sometimes people just need someone to listen.

This is so great in theory. But when I’m looking at you while you speak don’t just assume I’m judging you because I have bitch face. If I just say “Damn dude…” when you’re done? It’s not because I don’t care or because I think you’re an idiot. It’s because you told me you just needed someone to listen to you. Why are you looking at me like you’re waiting for some sage advice?

I don’t think total honesty makes you a bitch.

And if it does? Please make me a gold plated name plaque for my desk that simply reads “BITCH”. I’m saying things to you, as nicely as I can muster by the way, that I believe to be true. If you don’t like it, stop bringing your drama to me. We’re friends. If we weren’t I wouldn’t be sitting next to you, listening. I say things that may come off a bit rude and judgmental because I believe they’re true. And I only say them because I want you to be happy and I believe you can only be truly happy when you’re honest with yourself.

I’m not actually mean.

I don’t make fun of your clothes, your weight, your hair, your choice in music etc. I’m like “All God’s children man, it’s cool.” I don’t make fun of you at all. I just answer your questions honestly and state my opinion. If you think I’m being mean to you, that’s your own problem.

My life isn’t perfect either.

I’m not the type of person who pours out my problems on a regular basis to my friends. I just don’t do it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, it’s just not me. I’d rather silently stew about it and figure it out on my own for the most part. So just know that if you’ve been speaking to me and I come off a little rude and snotty, it more than likely has nothing to do with you. I have my own shit going on and sometimes listening to your diatribe about that guy not texting you or that girl, who I told you was crazy to begin with, being a crazy bitch to you is super annoying compared to what I’ve got going on in my own head.

You don’t need to apologize to me.

Saying “I’m sorry, I know you hate this…” just instantly sets you up for a side-eye. You don’t have to be sorry, because I’m not sorry for whatever comes out of my mouth after. There is no reason to act like, once you finish your sentence, I’m going to gut you and then vomit on your corpse in front of your grandmother.

In conclusion, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. You cannot ask for my honest opinion and then get upset at my honesty. You cannot ask me to “just listen” and then expect a response. If I didn’t like you, you would know. If I didn’t want to hear what you have to say, you would know. I don’t expect you to change at all, and I’m certainly not going to. I will remain your ‘bitch” friend for as long as you can stand it I guess, but it’s never going to change. So, here’s a straw…now suck it up.