I’ve already deleted all my dating apps to close out the new year. I’m ready to start 2015 solo yet I picked up Sara Eckel’s book for some insight. It’s Not You lists 27 (wrong) reasons you’re single. Here’s how it reaffirmed my frame of mind and heart:
It’s wonderful, jolting at first, to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
I can continue to cultivate this awakened heart as I move forward. Give someone slightly outside your type a chance, knowing there’s a possibility for rejection. It’s okay to hurt.
You are worthy of love, but that doesn’t have to be just a romantic love.
It could be friendly love, faith or self-love, which are not prerequisites to the aforementioned. Self-love has been a growing force on my journey this year. I’ve been expanding it by exploring my interests but not as a means for a relationship with the opposite sex. As Eckel writes:
“By all means, continue to make your life as rich and interesting as possible…but do them for their own sake, not as a means of polishing your life resume or reassuring yourself or the world of your worthiness. You’re already worthy. There’s nothing to prove.”
With self-love comes redefined self-esteem.
It does not have to arise from a traditional definition of “success.” I’ve allowed myself to mess up, not judge myself so harshly about regrettable action. Self-compassion encourages natural reactions like feeling bad over some things not working out – not only does it “soften life’s blows, it can also strengthen your ability to bounce back.”
I’ve been on this upward swing of practicing and observing more loving-kindness meditation.
If you concentrate on other people’s suffering and joy, you become less self-centered and more understanding. So peace be with you. Wish good tidings on others.
Question how you feel, and how someone else makes you feel.
Is there love in the relationship? Love should hold a mutual interaction – existing in that returned smile, shared laughter and not missed connections or miscommunication.
And I’ve become more and more okay with the prospect of being alone.
If it’s in the cards, I’m happy to embrace the opportunity to share my big heart. But for now, I take the Buddhist view to be fine with present reality, accepting things as they are yet remaining open to changes. As Eckel reminds us, you are the constant. Sometimes, it’s not you. It’s the circumstance. If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll find that four-lettered word, however it may flow.