1. Be in denial.
You’re totally fine! I don’t need him! Party on! But pretty soon, you’re trying to understand what went wrong but at the same time don’t want to bring up terrible feelings from the recent past. So maybe you break down in yoga or a Soul Cycle class. Then eventually realize you probably need therapy for the real deal confrontation of your issues.
It’s so cliche to Eat, Pray, Love but you decide to run away to a whole new world, a destination YOU wanted to go to, not some semi-mandatory couples vacation. Take your own break anyways. Eat the entire bowl of pasta. Have dessert by yourself, or some stranger’s. #vacationdiet #yolo
3. Make out or hook up with a bunch of people you just met.
Like an embarrassing amount. You are so vulnerable and lost. You’re sloppy. You don’t even realize how many people you’ve made out with until you start counting the fingers on your hand (does the nameless drunk guy in front of your apartment count?). You just wanted to disappear yet you rebound like a boomerang.
4. Stalk them on social media. (You know you’re going to do it anyway.)
The internet gods make our lives so public. Sure you may have already deleted your couple profile engagement photos but if he hasn’t blocked you, you’re checking up on what he’s up to or who he’s dating, wondering why he’s at the place you two used to frequent. Be careful with the twiddling thumbs so you don’t accidentally notify him of your snoopy tendencies. Besides, you already wrote that long, sad letter or snippy, angry text.
5. Annoy the hell out of your girlfriends.
You’re complaining, you’re crying — you’re all over the place. You get needy, sensitive, moody and depressed but if you disappear they need to keep track of you, too. They love you and eventually will forgive you.
6. Go on a terrible diet.
Hate-working out and sad-eating are the reality. Eating issues surface because our intake of food is so highly emotional. Either you get depressed and skinny-ripped because food might not taste the same anymore or you get ten pounds heavier because cheese and wine are pseudo-filling the empty space in your heart.
7. Be terrible at dating.
You cling onto notions. You get too naive and hopeful that someone will save you emotionally. You start jumping to conclusions. You were in a relationship for so long you don’t even know the rules anymore. That guy you think is “the one” is only because of the intensity of your new feelings, not because this one is right for you either.
8. Change your hair.
Bleach it or chop it off — you’re looking for a new identity or to come dramatically into the one you’ve always wanted. Go bold or go home because who wants to be reminded of the past in the mirror reflection.