Walking through the edge of my life’s map, I don’t know what to think anymore. Maybe I should blame myself for not being able to figure out things yet, or this tequila for clouding my already messed up mind.
I wish life comes with a manual and warns us whenever things are about to go crazy. We should have been given an outline or a step-by-step process on how to navigate this life properly.
But is there really a right way to truly live? Should we get things right all the time? Or are all those mistakes and misadventures needed for us to be led to the path that is right for us?
I can feel the subtle waves touching my feet and the cool breeze soothing my skin. I took a sip of my drink in hand as I stared at the beautiful hues of oranges and purples of the sunset sky, and for a moment, I let my thoughts run as free as the waves of the ocean. Warmth slowly covered my whole being and finally, my heart starts to beat again as my worries are blown off by the wind. The sound of waves gently crashing allows me to get in touch with my inner self—bravely asking all the questions I’m afraid to ask, admitting everything I’ve been trying to get away from, and thinking about all the things I’ve tried my best to forget.
Life doesn’t always unfold the way we envisioned it. Sometimes, it can even turn exactly the opposite of how we expected it to be or hoped for.
At present, I still question the goals I have set for myself ten years ago. Being way too far from where I thought I would be, I find myself wondering as to which part of my story did I go wrong. Or if I should have been more careful. Or if should I have done the opposite.
I still question all the decisions I have made and sometimes regret the things I refused to choose for myself.
Finishing college and having the degree that I totally love made me feel secure about my future. I pictured myself practicing my profession, taking a master’s degree, and eventually climbing my way up to the highest position I can possibly reach. But instead, after being in the field for some years, I found myself exploring different paths that can give me the real sense of accomplishment—something that will ignite the fire I’ve been trying to conceal. I was trying to establish myself in a world I was not familiar with. Countless times I’ve been asked why, and I’ve been struggling for answers every time. It’s hard to start over and there is no guarantee about the results but whenever I feel discouraged, I just look up and believe that one day I’ll get it right.
In my younger years, I imagined myself meeting the love of my life, settling down, and having my own family. But then life presented reality right before my eyes and showed me that love isn’t just about rainbows and butterflies. I’ve had my dose of unimaginable pain and heartbreak which, until now, makes me wonder how people can recover from the woes of the past. I don’t know if things can get any worse but whenever I feel like giving up on love, I just look up and believe that one day I’ll get it right.
I sipped the last shot of my tequila as the sun kissed the day goodbye. The fine line where the day meets the night and the warmth of the last rays of the sun getting soaked in the night sky reminds me of the beauty of endings and the promise of new beginnings.
Life will remain as deep and mysterious as the ocean; my journey may not be entirely free from huge waves and strong currents, it may still turn things around unexpectedly and require me to adjust my sails. But I will take heart, believing that maybe one day, I’ll get it right.