The Kind Of Love You Can Give Is The One That’s Already Inside You

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Hunter Newton / Unsplash

Everyone wants to find real love— the one that accepts, awakens, and lasts.

And I do, too.

Heartbreak after heartbreak, I thought that my heart has already lost its ability to love. I thought that fate has given up on me. I thought that my trust has been withered and has gone beyond repair.

I winced on the idea of falling again. Every now and then, my stubborn heart would beat and remind me that it was still alive. I dismissed it with a shrug. I was too exhausted to even think of starting another story that would eventually end and leave me devastated one day.

I turned off the switch that would bring back the emotions that have always betrayed me in the past.

Even real love stories have become a myth to me. I found no inspiration on love songs. Words seemed to be just words— pointless and meaningless.

I was too caught up on saving myself that I actually forgot to fix and work on my own heart first.

You see, we cannot expect other people to fix us. We cannot put all the weight on love’s shoulder and wait for it to deliver the story we are all dreaming about.

The process must start from within.

I started unmasking my heart to fully understand myself. I did not notice that pain has turned me into a cold-hearted monster I once feared as a child. Walls have been built, feelings were blocked. With the mask on, I felt strong and that no one could hurt me anymore. It was only until recently that I realized that what I projected was just an illusion of strength. Only when I uncovered what is truly inside that I came to accept the wounds and bruises from the things that hurt me before. I accepted my vulnerability and celebrated it as strength instead of weakness.

I started believing again. It was not easy, though, to put the pieces back together while trying to love the cracks too. It does not look as new, but it sure is good as one.

I started to know and love myself again. The pain of falling and failing forced me to deny my own feelings and it slowly burned out the fire inside. I lost myself along with the love I was once capable of. Only when I started to love myself that I become able to radiate love again. 

I am still afraid to love as it may lead me to the woes of heartbreak once more.

But I will try to. I will.

Love stories make me giggle and silently hope again.

Now I am able to see the story behind every love song and it makes my heart sing along with it.

Words have become as meaningful as it can get.

Maybe now I am ready to fall again.

For real, I hope, this time.

The love that accepts the best and worst of me.

The love that awakens every dormant part of my being.

The love that lasts.

And now that I found love within me again, I promise to give that kind of love to you too. TC mark

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