With a heavy heart, she managed to put on a smile as she spoke with him for one last time.
There was no looking back.
It was the last day of September when their paths crossed. It was not a sweep-me-off-my-feet type of encounter for her but an unexpected companionship. An instant connection she never dared to question.
It was the type that caught her off-guard. A reckless way of taking a chance.
It was at the time when she had almost given up the idea of love. It was at that time when she thought she had nothing to lose.
She settled for what she felt was safer than what has broken her before. She pushed commitment away and welcomed a connection that neither of them wants to put a label on. It was less consuming, a less of a hassle. She convinced herself that keeping him at arm’s length will make it emotionally lighter than it actually was.
Little did she know, she played a game that she was bound to lose.
The king and queen of hearts should have remained on a deck of cards. His heart and her heart should have fully surrendered to that almost love instead of running in circles as pawns in a stupid game.
Love shouldn’t be a game. Love shouldn’t be an almost. Love should be all in or nothing at all.
As hard as it was for her, she decided to end the story that was never meant to begin.
It started with all the right feelings and unknown intentions. They went on a ride with no real destination. And while it was fun and it somehow felt right, a hole of emptiness seemed to creep their hearts out.
She knew she had to get away the moment she realized that she was starting to fall.
And that’s what she did.
He asked why. She didn’t answer.
He grabbed her hand like he always did whenever she tried to walk away.
But this time, she didn’t give in. She once believed that an almost with him was better than completely losing him. She learned her lesson the hard way.
He refused to let go. She cried silently as things ran wildly through her mind.
He was saying all the right things again. She tried not to care.
She now realized that holding on to something unofficial is way more emotionally draining than the highs and lows of a committed relationship.
It was hard to always be beside him, not knowing where she stands.
She has no right to demand.
She has no right to care too much.
She has no assurance as to how long their involvement will last.
And the most haunting of all is that she can neither express nor say the words she had been meaning to say all along:
“I love you.”
Those words seem to be a taboo for all the almosts.
She snatched her hand away from him and continued to walk away with all the unsaid words and unexpressed emotions.
Only time will tell.
Until his heart and her heart are ready to make it real.