If you’re wishing, wanting, impatient for your first real relationship, your first real taste of true love, what do you think it’ll be like?
Do you imagine it to be rainbows and butterflies, that your world would change the first moment they say ‘official’? Do you think that fireworks would light up the sky, that your whole life would change on its axis, that everything would feel different, coated in sunshine and beauty the moment you have someone to call your own?
Or maybe you think a Broadway entourage would come out each time you introduce them to your friends and family as ‘yours’? Oh, you’re not so deluded to think that there would be no arguments, that it would be smooth sailing for all. ‘Sure,’ you’d say, ‘we would argue, which couple wouldn’t?’
And you’re right. But maybe you think it would blow over, that you’d spill everything that was the crux of this argument and then everything would be fine and dandy again, as if stars were in their eyes.
But you’re wrong.
Whether or not you have that special someone whom you know as an extension of your own life, your life would not change. You are still your own person, going through your daily routine yourself. They are them, you are you. There is now burst of light in every step you take, no rainbow in every cloud nor broadway entourages every time you refer to him as Mine. There would not be a sudden spike in colors and music, nor would there be a ray of sunshine everywhere.
It is a mess of indecision, hidden thoughts, beating yourself up for being what you consider as too obsessive. You would second guess your every move, thinking each time that you’re being too expressive, too suffocating, too… everything.
It is a whirlwind of emotions, a whole world you’ve never known before. But it is also a world you’re familiar with, simply because whether or not they’re there, your life has only changed by so much. You’re still the same person you were once before, you just have an extra person to talk to.
But you also have one more person you can spill your guts out to, without fear of being judged. You have an extra pillar to rely on, that one person you know would always be there for you. While you may not be together at all times, the time you do spend together is cherished, loved, protected at all costs. They make you laugh, they make you feel good just by being next to them; even if you’re both so consumed by work all you hear is the typing of keyboards as you work side by side, that is enough.
You may think you’ve adjusted to being single, that this is the way it is and will be, and don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. But now that there is that one other person, you have one extra someone who worries about you, for you, and with you. You may hear people complaining about their significant others harping on their every move, but when you get that call while driving home past midnight, knowing that it came from their worry of your late night driving, that happy warmth in your heart is something only few could understands. Because there is being overbearingly controlling, and then there is just simply being worried out of concern and the fear of losing you.
It may not be rainbows, butterflies, sunshine and glitter — but it sure doesn’t feel half bad, being one part of two.