7 Amateurish Things Dudes Need To Stop Doing In Bed, Like Immediately

1. The alphabet.

Who started this terribly cringe-worthy idea? Is it taught in some class that only boys are sent to? The girls have to sit through an awkward puberty video and some fat, balding P.E. teacher gathers up young, impressionable male minds and says, “Fellas, all you’ve gotta do is trace letters with your tongue!” Just, no. Women know what you’re doing the second you start. And then they’re way too distracted figuring out which letter you’re on to actually achieve an orgasm. Next.

2. Spitting for lubricant.

Someone is clearly watching too much porn. Lube exists for a reason! Use it! Spit is just gross.

3. Expecting a blow job without reciprocating.

Oral sex is like Christmas, you’ve each got a kick-ass gift for one another. However, if you show up empty-handed but still expect a big ol’ present, you’re a dick. And probably not very good at sex.

4. Being freaked out by periods.

Never do something you aren’t comfortable with. If you don’t want to have sex with her because she’s on her period, that’s totally valid. But shaming her for a natural bodily function is immature. Don’t make her feel bad for something she can’t control.

5. The jackhammer.

You don’t get points for how fast and hard you can shove your dick in and out of her. Take off your construction hat and get to work.

6. The mammogram.

Some women are into nipple play. Some aren’t. But dear Lord, why are you trying to smash her breasts between your hands? Are you checking for lumps?

7. Trying to get away with ass stuff without asking.

This isn’t just amateurish. This is called not getting consent and you shouldn’t do it. Sorry if you think it’s going to ~*~ruin the mood~*~, but suck it up and ask for what you’re interested in. If she says no, move on. And, btw, nobody for even a second will believe you “accidentally stuck it in the wrong hole.”